Hondo takes the plunge into Sunday’s Super Bowl as the hottest handicapper in the Bettor’s Guide, having been the only contender to sweep the spreads on Championship Sunday. The leap to excellence vaulted him into a first-place tie in the postseason standings with hapless Mark Cannizzaro.
And that’s not the only reason to adhere to Mr. Aitch’s logic for Sunday’s investment. You should also factor in that he has been on the right side of The Big Game’s point spread since 2008, which, according to his calculations, means he is on a 6-0 run of superb Super selections.
Thus, His Aitchness’ recommendation to the citizenry of HondoNation is this: Follow the cred to the bread, not the bums to the crumbs.
Seahawks-Broncos: This is the Uber-Hype Bowl, a matchup lending itself to an orgy of anticipation that has the masses frothing about all of Peyton Manning’s conflicts: Mann vs. SherMan, Mann vs. himself (in the playoffs), Mann vs. the elements (can’t play in cold weather), and Mann vs. brother Eli (trails in Supes, 2-1, and probably memorabilia money). If that’s not enough there are other notable clashes: The best in “O” vs. the best in “D,” Beast Mode vs. Pot Roast, and Black and Decker vs. the Legion of Boom.
It’s a seemingly ultra-tasty pigskin meal that is almost enough to make one stop craving for a few morsels from Marshawn Lynch.
Unfortunately, lost in all the propaganda is the reality the Seahawks have a problem even bigger than Richard Sherman’s mouth — their offense is the Legion of Lame. When the unstoppable Men of Manning get off to their usual fast start, it will be bye-bye Beast Mode, hello Least Mode.
Therein lies the trouble. Russell Wilson doesn’t have a lot of appealing downfield options — journeymen Baldwin, Tate, Kearse, Lockette and maybe the X-factor, Percy Harvin, for a play or two. That’s a bad matchup against an underrated Denver defense that has grown increasingly stout and stingy.
This ain’t your father’s NFL: Offense, not defense, wins championships, as will be seen when Manning conquers all conflicts. Denver 31-13.
Smoke ’em if you got ’em, Bronco backers!
Elsewhere on the picking front: Mrs. Aitch: Broncos 23-15; The First Heir: Broncos 35-24; The Second-But-Equal Heir: Broncos 34-20; The great golf pro Bill Maloney: Seahawks 34-30; Otterkill GC senior golf champ Mike Figura: Broncos 27-21; Emauler Ed Buckmir: Broncos 25-18; The reticent yet still relevant Mick Buckmir: Broncos 28-27; BarkingMut: Broncos 24-20; K-Dog of Md.: Broncos 24-20; Siciliano (aka the Bronx Bomber): Broncos 34-14; Donny Mac: Broncos 23-17.
And now for the handicapping stylings of Paul “Pick Him Some” Aswad, who earned a paragraph in perpetuity here for plucking a push out of his Aswad in Super Bowl XXXIV. Says Aswad: “I’m due for a win [there’s an understatement]. I love Denver, 27-17.” Nice pick, Aswad.
Broncomania lives, which according to the Theory of Overloaded, One-Sided Predictions, could be a financial detriment to all but one of the above.
Meanwhile …
Regarding the game’s big line shift from Seattle -1 to Denver -2, it could turn out to be a riddle wrapped around a middle.
Richard Sherman has received a pass from many for taunting Michael Crabtree because “he was in the moment.” That would seem to excuse just about every possible transgression anyone could commit.
Take, for example, Jets TE Kellen Winslow, who according to a witness was pleasuring himself in his SUV in a Target parking lot before he recently was busted for smoking synthetic pot. No biggie; he was in the moment.
Also in the car were two open jars of Vaseline, which ought to land Winslow an endorsement deal. “Hi, I’m Kellen Winslow. When I’m sitting naked in my SUV in a parking lot, there’s only one lube for me … ”
Emauler Ed Buckmir on the arrest of the multi-tasking Winslow: “Talk about being left high and dry.”
Fans have had the opportunity to have their photos taken with the Lombardi Trophy this week on Super Bowl Boulevard. Word is Rex Ryan was first on line, so he will have at least one Super memory to show for his time as Jets coach.
Mayor de Blasio’s home value jumped 19 percent last year to $1.4 million. The “crisis of inequality” has been very good to Red Billy.
According to Siciliano, aka the Bronx Bomber, De Blasio thinks that, instead of Disneyland, the Super Bowl MVP should win a trip to Moscow.
Last licks from BarkingMut of SoBe: It makes perfect sense that so many gay marriages at the Grammys last Sunday night were performed by a Queen … Anyone one who thinks Carmelo Anthony will ever lead the Knicks to a title is living in La La land.
Obama, paying tribute to Pete Seeger, called the singer/activist/communist, “America’s tuning fork,” which isn’t to be confused with “America’s eating fork,” Chris Christie … Here’s an interesting Super Bowl coincidence: Christie’s waist size also is XLVIII.
Flatulent cows reportedly caused a fire in a shed at a German farm from all the methane they released. That explains why William Shatner and Nancy Grace are prohibited from being in a small room together. Their steady output of gas could cause a devastating spontaneous combustion.
In a related story, opera singer Amy Herbst of Cincinnati had to retire because she can’t hit the high notes without farting. That’s too bad, critics say her performances were a real blast. However, even though she’s losing money by not performing, she’s saving a lot on her exorbitant underwear bill — she’d go through a couple dozen pair a night.
According to emailer Donny Mac, Amy always sings in the key of B-flat-ulent.
There are a few operas in which Amy could still perform and not create a stir. For example, there’s “Madame Butterfart,” “Porgy and Gas,” “The Magic Toot,” and the “Farter of Seville.”
Joe “The Gaffe Machine” Biden, discussing a possible run in 2016, says he would be “a good President.” And if you believe that, Eli Manning still has a couple dozen game-worn helmets from Super Bowls XLII and XLVI he’d like to sell you.