Duck, duck — ouch!
It wasn’t a monkey on his back that hounded a nonagenarian in a Florida park.
Wilmer Neumann, 91, was walking with his grandson when suddenly a Muscovy duck began attacking him.
“First thing I know I had a duck on my back,” the Fort Walton Beach resident said.
Animal-control officers eventually captured the aggressive fowl and released him far from humans.
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She didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth — she made like Mongo in “Blazing Saddles” and smacked it!
Houston resident Diane Harvey was reportedly slurping beer on the street against city regulations when a mounted cop came by and told her to dump it.
She ignored him, kept drinking and began walking off. When the cop and his equine partner maneuvered to block her way, she struck it, and was busted.
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This was a real booty call.
An Arizona man who built a pirate-ship-shaped tree house in his back yard is on the hunt to find his treasure after someone broke into it.
Mike Shepard told the Yavapai County Sheriff’s Office that thieves took a door off its hinges and made off with $5,000 worth of his stuff, including real gold coins, jewelry and swords.
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What a pee-brain!
A 21-year-old Seattle man urinating in a stranger’s yard bit off more than he could chew last week when a confrontation with a resident turned bloody.
The resident told the urinator to beat it, but he ignored the directive and the two brawled.
The pee-er bit off a chunk of the resident’s ear, police said, and was busted.
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This red alert is good news for some.
Researchers have found that men with ginger locks are 54 percent less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer.
The redheads were part of a two-decade British study of 20,000 men ages 50 to 69.