If “Animal House” had never been made, if the Brat Pack had never existed, if Tom Cruise had never danced in his button-down shirt and tightie whities, then maybe I’d be drying the tears of laughter from my eyes and mopping up the diet Coke from my nose right now.
But all those things do exist, which, sadly, leaves me dry-eyed and nosed, after watching TBS’s new hour-long comedy, “Glory Daze.”
That is not to say that this rip-off of “Animal House” doesn’t have its share of almost-guffaws. It does.
The series, which focuses on four guys who are about to join the worst fraternity on campus, even has its charm in a retro kind of way. And, yes, all the iconic stereotypes of “Animal House” frat boys are present and accounted for.
And that makes it almost — but not quite — good enough.
First problem is that it’s a shameless, rip-off of “Animal House” (with a lot of “Risky Business” thrown in when the “Animal House” draft tap runs dry).
And therein lies the second problem. These were some of the funniest movies of the decade. They took mediocre material and made it hilarious. It’s called comic timing.
The actors and their characters here — regular guy Joel (Kelly Blatz); baseball star Brian (Hartley Sawyer); right winger Jason (Drew Seeley); and uncool virgin Eli (Matt Bush) — just don’t have it. Clearly they’ve studied both movies and can mimic the moves, but they just don’t hear the music.
The two guys with pitch-perfect comic timing, however, are Tim Jo, the dorm mate who is unfortunately lured into the Asian fraternity, making him a lesser character. To make it seem like the writers aren’t discriminating, the Asian fraternity is even wilder than the one the others join.
The other gem is Tim Meadows (formerly of “Saturday Night Live“), who is absolutely hilarious as the angry African-American professor who is always railing about the military-industrial complex.
But the show fails totally when it is in total rip-off mode, such as the attempt to recreate the “Risky Business” solo dance scene. For one thing, Cruise kept on his shirt and socks, while here, the buff Matt Bush is shirtless in a bikini and looks more like a Chippendale’s dancer than a clueless teen.
As the old saying goes, you can lead an actor to music, but you can’t make him dance funny in his underwear.