There is nothing “real” about “The Real O’Neals.” Or anything funny.
A witless collection of offensive anti-Catholic cliches, the new ABC series takes a talented cast and saddles it with some of the worst material in ages. If “The Real O’Neals” went to confession, a thousand Hail Marys wouldn’t be penance enough.
Playing off the timeworn idea that no television family is “perfect,” the series introduces us to the O’Neals, each of whom is a sinner in the eyes of matriarch Eileen (Martha Plimpton, a good actress who needs to stop doing dreck like this). She’s a road-show version of Lois on “Malcolm in the Middle” who runs the parish bingo game (Cliche No. 1). Eldest son Jimmy (Matt Shively) is an anorexic dumb jock. Only daughter Shannon (Bebe Wood) steals from the parish charity collection (Cliche No. 2). The youngest O’ Neal (and show narrator), 16-year-old Kenny (Noah Galvin), is gay.
These are venial sins compared to the mortal sin being committed by Eileen and her husband, Pat (Jay R. Ferguson of “Mad Men,” another good actor who deserves a lot better), a cop (Cliche No. 3). They are GETTING DIVORCED. Time to reach for your rosary.
If you didn’t understand that this series was about Hollywood’s idea of Irish Catholics, you can rely on “The Real O’Neals” to remind you.
The St. Patrick’s Day staple, corned beef, is used as a verb. The first Jesus joke comes about one minute into the premiere episode. In Episode 2, Mom serves pancakes in the shape of the face of Jesus.
And the jokes keep coming: There’s even a statue of the Virgin Mary positioned above the O’Neals’ toilet bowl.
It’s easy to see where this sitcom is going — using Kenny’s story of gay liberation as a vehicle for co-creator and former sex columnist Dan Savage to work out some hard feelings he has against his parents, his upbringing and a world that didn’t understand him. But besides being heavy-handed, the humor is bitter — depriving the audience of any opportunity to see the characters as individuals, let alone like them. One wonders how network programmers would react if the offensive jokes heard here were used against another religious group.
But Catholics are fair game.
That’s the message of “The Real O’Neals.”