In March 2014, I remember being at Roseland Ballroom (RIP) and gazing at the magnetic presence of Lorde. She was still riding high off the success of her debut album, “Pure Heroine,” and toward the end of the show, she began a fascinatingly honest insight into her fears for the future.
It was riveting stuff — and yet I was distracted because a dude in front of me was holding his iPhone in the air. Not to take pictures or even a video, but to FaceTime a friend, with whom he began chatting merrily. “She’s talking about growing up, but I can’t really understand her accent,” the concertgoer told his friend. “I hope she plays ‘Royals’ . . . ”
Thankfully, Lorde did just that, and the guy promptly ended his obviously important call. Good thing too, otherwise I would have seen to it that his next FaceTime session would have been with an ER doctor. And he wouldn’t have needed a smartphone for that, either.
Technology at concerts is a modern bugbear for many. Acts such as Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Prince and Björk have requested that fans not use their phones to document concerts. I’ve even witnessed overzealous security people throwing fans out of a Jack White show for defying his phone ban. But that battle is already rolling toward slow defeat. Smartphones are everywhere, and younger fans in particular feel compelled to document their experiences. Even I can’t help myself — although I try to be quick about taking pictures, so as not to obscure the view of people behind me for very long.
But FaceTiming is a new level of obnoxiousness. It’s one thing to use your phone to document what you’re seeing, but another to force the people around you to look at your buddy sitting on the couch, eating popcorn in a stained T-shirt, while you whine about a concert that isn’t even over yet.
That also goes for anyone looking to get romantic with partners over long distance, as I once saw someone do when John Legend played “All of Me” at Barclays Center. It’s gross enough when lovelorn couples start smooching all around you, but seeing some guy trying to get it on with an iPhone 6 is where a line has to be drawn.
Also, what are your friends really getting out of it? It doesn’t matter how good your phone is; hearing a concert through FaceTime sounds like a cluster of tin cans blowing around in a wind tunnel, with sporadic bouts of cheering and applause. Nobody gains any real gratification from it, unless you’re doing it just to taunt the person at the other end for not having a ticket. In which case, you’re a douche — so congratulations on that.
Summer concert season is upon us, and there are festivals and outdoor shows galore to look forward to. But if there’s one thing that’s likely to deflate the excitement of seeing your favorite artists perform, it’s seeing someone you don’t know staring stupidly from inside a phone screen. Please, keep them in your pocket where they belong.