“I am heartbroken. My regret is unending.”
It’s a message from beyond the grave, written 60 years ago by death row inmate Huang Wen-gong to his unborn daughter. The Taiwanese man was executed shortly after writing the note in 1953 and it was only recently delivered to the recipient.
“Before long I will leave this earth. I am trying to stay calm, to talk with you for the first and last time on this paper,” he wrote in a letter obtained by The New York Times.
“I fear you can’t imagine what it’s like, alas. To face this moment and be unable to see you once, to hug you once, to kiss you once … I am heartbroken. My regret is unending.”
The letter is one of many recently discovered letters from prisoners during Taiwan’s ‘White Terror’ years, a period between 1949-1987 where martial law was imposed and those who spoke out against the ruling Chinese Nationalist Party were accused of spying, imprisoned and often executed.
Yueh-hsia, I’m sorry. It should be me who is looking after you and the children. I hope deeply that you can forgive me.
- Prisoner Liu Yao-ting
The letters were meant to be delivered to family members shortly after the executions but took 60 years to arrive.
Most are short and formal but for those who received them they are the only link to the deceased. Some, sadly, never reached their intended audience.
Chiu Hsing-sheng, executed in 1952, wrote to his grandmother. He said he couldn’t explain the joy he felt thinking back on her influence during his early years.
“It’s my last night and still I feel the same happiness I felt as a child,” he wrote.
“Why do I feel this way, such joy, just before my death, I don’t know. I always said I wouldn’t feel any dread before my death, and in fact it feels like I have finished my life’s burden and can relax.
“My outlook is resolute! I don’t feel any loss of hope. I am at ease with nature, and so feel only happiness about my death. So grandma, I wish you wouldn’t feel any pain on my account.”
Liu Yao-ting wrote to his wife shortly before his execution in 1954.
“My Yueh-hsia, you must listen to what I have to say. Even though we are apart, our hearts are connected. I deeply hope you can conquer all hardships, be brave, and not be heartbroken and lose health because of me.
“Yueh-hsia, I’m sorry. It should be me who is looking after you and the children. This is also what I hope the most for the future. But at this moment I am incapable of doing this. Yueh-hsia, I hope deeply that you can forgive me.”
Uongu Yatauyongana wrote a similar note to his wife the same year. He included lyrics from one of his favorite songs.
“Chun-fang whom I long for. How glad I am to know you are healthy and well. ‘No amount of gold, silver or gems are more precious than our darling children’. Do you remember the song?
“As long as we have our homes and our land we will be fine, because there are so many amazing children. No matter if our possessions are confiscated, my innocence will be revealed …. In the fields and in the mountains, my spirit will always be. Don’t give up the land!”
How the letters were found
A total of 177 letters were discovered in 2008 when a young woman, the granddaughter of Huang Wen-gong, went searching through Taiwan’s main archive for information about her family.
No one can avoid the pain of parting forever, but in this sorrow we must control our tears, we must swallow the bitterness and spit it out with laughter.
- Prisoner Cheng Jin-he
She was given a stack of papers and photocopied documents and among them were letters her grandfather had written. The letter to her mother, not born at the time of writing, was among them.
Chang Yi-lung told a local television station in 2009 the truth should be revealed about what really went on in the ‘50s.
“As a descendant and family member of my grandfather, I think I have a responsibility. As family members we should know the history of our family and we cannot expect others to do research for us,” she said.
“If there are people who would like to know the truth, I am willing to show them the real stories that happened in Taiwan in the past.”
Even after discovering the documents, Ms. Chang’s family had to lobby to have them turned over. The government agreed in 2011 after the Taiwan Association for Truth and Reconciliation started to apply pressure.
The decision helped dozens of families get closure. Cheng Jin-he was among them. He was executed in 1970 and urged his son to reflect but not be bitter.
“On this earth you will never see your father again. This is the saddest thing. No one can avoid the pain of parting forever, but in this sorrow we must control our tears, we must swallow the bitterness and spit it out with laughter,” he wrote.
“No matter whether it brings you joy or distress, you must not forget your mother and father. Now you have an even more important responsibility on your shoulders. In order to love your father you must improve yourself, only then can you comfort your father’s spirit. No matter what you do, you must engage in self-reflection often. This is what your father would have wanted.”