Ilon Specht, the advertising exec who dreamed up L’Oréal’s “Because you’re worth it” catchphrase, owns a four-bedroom co-op in Manhattan’s storied Dakota. On Halloween 2006, she put the 4,500-square-foot spread up for sale with a $19.5 million price tag — and eventually dropped that by $5 million. A decade later, we’re still waiting to find out if the place is “worth” anything at all.
Manhattan’s real estate market may be at an all-time high (median sale price: $1.15 million) — and weighted with cutthroat competition — but that doesn’t mean every single apartment is getting snapped up.
In the fourth quarter of 2015, the average number of days a Manhattan co-op or condo spent on the market was a mere 82, according to appraiser Jonathan Miller. So-called “trophy apartments” — those priced at $12.76 million and up — have an average of 203 days on the market. Specht’s spread has been hanging around like a fifth-year senior for a whopping 3,400 days.
So what’s the catch?
“For that kind of money, the average buyer wants to look at [Central] Park,” says broker Donna Olshan, who issues a weekly report analyzing $4 million-plus sales in the city. Specht’s apartment does not offer park views.
Not to mention, buyers can’t seem to look past the pad’s dated, overwrought décor. (Think: mustard wall-to-wall carpet and wallpaper printed with giant flowers, practically screaming “Welcome to the 1980s!”) “Aesthetically speaking, this place needs to be ripped apart,” one broker tells The Post.
Even in a crazy market, there are some things buyers just aren’t willing to look past: Tacky interior design, a spooky back story, a sub-par floor plan.
Even worse is when reconfiguring that floor plan means jumping through the hoops of a persnickety co-op board.
Stock market guru Martin Zweig’s Pierre Hotel triplex is one such challenged co-op. (Currently being restaged, the pad will return to the market soon.) The hotel ballroom was converted to a 3,487-square-foot living area with 23-foot-high ceilings. Should a buyer want to divvy up that humongous living room, well, good luck: The fancier the building, the harder it is to get any plans past its overlords.
The apartment’s price was hacked from $125 million in 2013 to $63 million in 2015. Did we mention that the Pierre requires all-cash sales and union-only labor?
There’s a different problem over at Tommy Hilfiger’s apartment in the Plaza Hotel: hyperpersonalized décor. The fashion designer’s penthouse includes a turret that houses a custom “Eloise” mural, but it’s been on and off the market since 2008. Currently priced at $68.95 million, the price is down from an $80 million ask in October 2014.
“I wouldn’t decorate my home like that, would you?” sniffs a broker with 20 years of experience. “I don’t see a buyer paying $12,000 a square foot for this.” A broker familiar with the listing says that a contract was almost reached with a foreign buyer, but stalled because of another problem: “The living room does not have a view [of Central Park] . . . It’s a trophy property; [people] want to show off.”
No-buyer syndrome disproportionately affects very expensive properties. More than a dozen experts interviewed by The Post agree the price for most of these “unsellable” properties is just too damn high.
“If the apartment has been sitting on the market for more than a couple years, there’s a problem,” says CityRealty’s director of research Gabby Warshawer. “The market is responding. It’s saying, ‘No!’ ”
One such spot belongs to commercial real-estate bigwig Kenneth D. Laub. In 2008, he decided to sell his Upper East Side townhouse, a five-bedroom with frescoed walls on Third Avenue. He brazenly proffered it sans broker for $35 million.
“If someone feels that the house is worth what I think it is worth, then they’ll buy it. And if not, then they won’t,” he told the Observer in 2009.
Fast forward to today, and the place has cycled through six brokerages, one of which couldn’t lure a buyer even after dubbing the home, measuring around 8,000 square feet, “Versailles in Manhattan.” Despite Laub’s earlier protestations, the ask has dropped to $23.9 million. A reasonable price based on comparable homes sold in the area, according to Olshan, would be $14 million.
“[There are] always a certain number of properties that sit on the market with fantasy prices,” Olshan says.
Brown Harris Stevens’ Paula del Nunzio, who also repped Laub’s listing, adds that location, location, location is crucial for someplace this pricey. “The rule of houses is simple: ‘How far from Fifth Avenue is it?’ ” she says. “It’s pretty clear that anyone who had $25 million did not choose to spend it [3 ½ blocks from Fifth].”
Another turnoff? Ghosts. Staten Island listings recently showed a $1.74 million mansion that’s allegedly haunted. The 1855 relic was once owned by Gustav A. Mayer, who invented Nilla Wafers; lore has it that the spirits of his reclusive daughters still roam its grounds. Listing photos of the Italianate-style villa, which went up for sale in January 2014, show paint peeling off the walls, and empty glass bottles and random wrenches strewn about.
“It’s a big mistake for someone to think they’re going to get top dollar and not clean it up,” says Randall Bell, CEO of Landmark Research Group, who specializes in selling homes where crimes have occurred. While ethereal ladies aren’t on par with murder, Bell believes every listing needs attractive photos. “Whether it’s allegedly haunted or not . . . You put your best face forward.” A blurry shot of a spooky staircase and faded wall mural, part of the Staten Island listing, just won’t cut it.
Experts agree: the most obvious fix for these “unsellables” is to reduce prices over time. Dumbo’s iconic Clock Tower apartment is just one example. Purchased for $10.75 million in 2006, the three-bedroom penthouse has been on and off the market since 2010 — first at $25 million, now at $18 million.
“If you buy something for $10 million, and list it for $18 million shortly thereafter — and the market isn’t rising at that rate — it’ll take years for the market to catch up,” Miller says. “The common refrain from those sellers is, ‘Maybe I’ll get lucky.’ I’d be embarrassed.”
Also, oversized timepieces are not every buyer’s cup of tea.
“To have this huge clock in the middle of your living room?” says the 20-year-veteran broker. “Some people would freak out about something like that.”