Bad news for anyone in a relationship: Saturday is Valentine’s Day, and instead of reading this, you should probably be thinking about buying that special someone a gift, lest you be banished for the weekend to the Airway Inn out by LaGuardia.
On this holiday, danger is everywhere. Bad gifts are plentiful.
The Bronx Zoo will allow you to “seal it with a hiss” by naming a roach after your beloved. (Of course, what NYC gal wouldn’t love that one?)
The only thing worse might be Knicks tickets — or maybe a leaky Mylar balloon and old Beanie Baby elephant.
It might seem like it’s too late to buy anything worthwhile, but it’s not. You can still score something to impress your valentine — even if it isn’t the chocolate beer you might be craving for yourself.
So guys, here are a few suggestions for gifts you can pick up in a pinch — some are tasty, some just cute, some low-key and others pretty fancy.
Get your engine revving with a night of sensual food.
Sign up for a couples’ Aphrodisiac Cooking Class offered by Sex on the Table. You and your partner will get your hands dirty preparing a meal together. “The way to a lover’s heart goes through the stomach,” says Juerg Federer, a k a Chef Fed, who runs the classes. “With cooking, we’re doing the same thing as seduction — trying to visually please, taste good, smell good.” cheffedny.com, $135 per person.
Give your love something she’ll always remember you by — at least until she accidentally leaves her keys in a cab.
The Tiffany Heart Key Ring ($165) comes covered in blue crocodile with a brass ring. And what girl doesn’t like Tiffany’s iconic little blue box? Fifth Avenue at 57th Street; tiffany.com. Opens at 10 a.m. on Saturday.
Nothing says “I love you just the way you are” like the gift of carbs.
This heart-shaped pasta from Severino might add a fun, romantic note to an otherwise ordinary meal. $4.50 at Whole Foods.
For a more understated touch, go for Tom Ford lipstick.
It’s made with Brazilian murumuru butter — eh, who cares. It’s red, like Valentine’s Day. $50 at Bloomingdale’s, various locations, items can be ordered online and picked up. Stores open at 10 a.m. on Saturday.
Nothing subtle about the message this Kate Spade beaded clutch ($198) is sending.
Here’s hoping strangers on the subway don’t also heed it. Various locations throughout New York; katespade.com. Stores open at 10 a.m. on Saturday.
You can snark all you want about cupcakes being so over, but open a fresh box and watch what happens.
Georgetown Cupcake has cooked up a special Valentine’s menu. Pick up for your girl a dozen of the curated variety packs, which include Strawberry Lava Fudge, Red Velvet, Be Mine Peanut Butter Fudge and other holiday-themed flavors. $32, 111 Mercer St.; georgetowncupcake.com.
Nobody hearts the Knicks.
That said, your special someone might still heart basketball, in which case, you’re in luck!
The NBA All-Star Weekend is in full swing, and while tickets to the main events are nearly impossible to score for a reasonable price, you can get into the practice on Saturday morning, where all the top names in the league will be warming up. Madison Square Garden, 10:30 a.m., $20-$130.
Show your Valentine you don’t just care about her but also about the larger world by making a donation to a charitable outlet.
Maybe your love wakes up with NPR every day. Maybe they’d like to support PBS or their alma mater. It’s a thoughtful gift that takes minutes. Put the donation receipt in a Valentine’s Day card and you’re good to go.
A box of chocolates is just tired at this point.
But if your lady has a sweet tooth, why not opt for something more unusual?
Pick up a block of Callebaut, a Belgian confection sold (conveniently) at grocery stores, including Whole Foods. The candy is so good, the East Village’s Prune hands it out to diners with the check. $10 per pound.
Two words: weekend getaway.
Surprise your Valentine with a weekend at a bed and breakfast or a quick flight to warmer climes. Plenty of sites online have last-minute package deals.
Groupon, for example, was offering a Washington, DC, trip for $55 a night. Hotwire had flights from New York to Florida for $159. By this time next weekend, you could be sitting on a beach somewhere.
Of course, not everyone can afford to take a weekend away. Treat your Valentine to a night away in New York City instead. You might be able to book a discounted, last-minute hotel room online at Priceline, hotels.com and other sites.