There’s a story, ostensibly about a disgraced Chicago alderman, who was asked to respond to certain allegations.
“Allegations?” he said. “I don’t even know the alligators.”
With that response in mind, ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith last week returned from a suspension for making “inappropriate” remarks about women as per the NFL’s two-game suspension of Ray Rice.
Smith’s return coincided — or collided — with the freshly reported suspensions of two other ESPN hosts:
Max Kellerman, for “inappropriate” remarks about his own domestic violence episode (vis-a-vis the Rice suspension), and Miami-based Dan Le Batard, for his “inappropriate,” make-yourself-the-story financial contribution to the placement of a sarcastic billboard message, from the folks of Miami to LeBron James, displayed in Cleveland.
Yep, one suspended ESPN on-air fellow restored, replaced by two newly suspended members of the fellowship.
But, with that alligator reply in play, and as a matter of who wears the pants up at ESPN, we’re left with this: Who suspends the suspenders?
Top-shelf, highly inappropriate decisions routinely flow from ESPN. Without even peeking, a few come to mind:
Was the hiring of Ray Lewis, an unrepentant, frequently fined NFL head-hunter who pleaded guilty to obstructing justice in a double-homicide investigation then paid the victims’ families appropriate?
Was the merry-making, fist-bumping, mindlessly violent inclusion of the “He Got Jacked Up!” segment to ESPN’s NFL pregame shows appropriate?
Are speed guns attached to 12-year-old Little League World Series pitchers, plus the promotional exploitation of all the kids by asking for their favorite Disney/ESPN products and personalities appropriate?
Has consistently crediting ESPN reporters for breaking news stories that they didn’t break — taking or sharing credit for others’ work — appropriate?
Was contracting for exclusive, see/hear/speak-no evil access to Barry Bonds, a drug-enabled, late-30s slugger as he pursued and surpassed Hank Aaron’s home run record, appropriate?
Is it appropriate that just- scandalized, big-name college football and basketball coaches are, and for years, regularly hired by ESPN?
Was it appropriate that ESPN, after hiring Bobby Knight, immediately lost its Knight-Goes-Nuts action reel, the one it once showed as often as possible?
The public and private sexual objectification of women is a particularly egregious, stand-by-for-suspension-or-termination sin. But ESPN’s same top guys who dutifully, nobly mete out suspensions for inappropriate sexual misconduct, next get busy coveting the most misogynistic, salacious rappers to sell ESPN’s inventory.
We could go on, then on. It’s interesting, that’s all, how ESPN’s suspenders keep their pants from falling down.
Stadium still full of nothing
Saturday, as seen and heard on FoxSports1, was a fabulous summer afternoon in Yankee Stadium; the Yankees in second place, five back.
But new Yankee Stadium — the one with the moat to keep the big suckers from the empty seats built for bigger and biggest suckers — was dead. Again.
At 2-0, Cleveland, Yankees with two on in the fourth, the joint was dead. Cloistered monks make more noise. Bottom of the sixth, 2-0, Yankees again with two on, yet the only noise came from the p.a. system’s canned encouragement to make noise. Few takers.
It was the same thing on Sunday. On such days in old Yankee Stadium, the joint would be jumping. Just sayin’.
PGA Championship: Several times CBS/TNT’s coverage replaced live (and plausibly live) coverage with full-screen, computerized graphics displaying scores of blue dots showing where all players’ drives or approach shots finished.
Even given time to study such graphics, so what? How does this help or enlighten us? Dots all over the place, so what’s the point? Tells us that not all shots are the same?
Actually, it tells us this: “Look what we can do with our computer!” Very nice. Now show the golf.
David Feherty’s cool, funny, flippant, I’m-different juice drains right out of him when he jumps into Tiger Woods’ “poor, unlucky, but what a great, courageous guy” TV pool.
Saturday, interviewing Bernd Wiesberger , who finished the day one back, Bill Macatee asked that question: “What is your game plan for tomorrow?” Wiesberger politely spoke some “I’m excited” answers, or he would’ve said, “Not to miss my tee time.” Game plan. “I plan to ace the par-threes, eagle the par-fives, avoid bogeys …”
Plenty of ifs, ands and buts in baseball
Taxes, Death and Stats: YES’s Michael Kay on Sunday, after noting Derek Jeter is now sixth in career hits, added, “But if he’d played last year, he’d be closing in on Stan Musial [who is fourth on the list].”
OK, but if Musial had played 162-game seasons instead of 154, and if he hadn’t, at age 25, missed the 1945 season to serve in the Navy …
And what if accumulated statistical pitcher credits determined other things, such as your dry cleaner, car mechanic, optometrist.
Yankees reliever Shawn Kelley, Friday, in one-third of an inning, allowed two hits, two walks, four earned runs — for his eighth “hold” of the season. Mazel tov!
Pitching the ninth Friday, the Mets’ Jenrry Mejia allowed two hits, including a long double, and an earned run — for his 17th save.
After striking out Reid Brignac to end it, Mejia hand-slammed the ground in exaggerated triumph. SNY then alertly cut to Brignac, who appeared to be shouting expletives at Mejia.
Ron Darling then characterized Mejia’s display as “emotional,” when, given Darling’s usual candid disregard for such displays, he likely meant, “nauseating.”
Keith Hernandez, during Saturday’s Mets-Phillies game on WPIX, twice suggested Juan Lagares should attempt “a drag bunt.” Lagares bats right-handed, thus he could only drag a bunt toward third while running to first, which — call me crazy — is impossible.
Vikings and ex-Giants DT Linval Joseph was one of nine people shot in a Minneapolis club at 1:45 a.m. Saturday. Oh, well, c’est la NFL.
Weekend interleague series, Cardinals at Orioles, until 1954 would have been all St. Louis, Cards vs. Browns.
WFAN’s Richard Neer’s take, Saturday, on preseason football: “I watch the first quarter, maybe the half. Then it’s depressing.” Imagine being forced to spend a week’s take-home for tickets!
Reader S. Summers suggests Kate Upton has cost Justin Verlander “a few miles off his fastball.” That’s why my wife doesn’t allow me to date.