Several friends and I are renting a ski house this winter. Although most have been good about keeping things tidy, two of my girlfriends are absolute slobs. How do I get them to clean up their act? —Lorna B., Long Island City, Queens
Isn’t it amazing what you can learn about people you think you know simply by spending some time together under the same roof? I’ll bet while you’re grumbling about these messy Bessies, they’re complaining to anyone who will listen that you’re uptight.
You could probably ease up on these two if the areas in question are their own rooms — as long as the messes don’t creep into the space of others (or attract critters). The same cannot be said for common areas like the kitchen, bathroom and living room, where everyone shares responsibility for keeping things pristine.
In private, have a gentle-but-firm conversation with the offenders. Your goal should not be to embarrass, but to convey the importance of maintaining a tidy quality in shared living spaces. They might not become “cleanliness is next to godliness” converts, but even their grudging cooperation will mean a more enjoyable environment for everyone else.
I’ve put together a great ski house in Vermont for Presidents Day weekend, but one member of the group pulled out at the last minute due to a work emergency. He’s now asked me to find someone to take his place. Shouldn’t he be the one to find a substitute? — Arthur D., Englewood, NJ
Ah, the joys of organizing a group getaway. You find the house, negotiate a rate, find the right mix of people, sign a lease, send a deposit and then, just when you think your work is done, someone drops out and dumps the responsibility of finding a replacement on you.
Work emergencies happen, of course, and his coming to you first was the right course of action. For all he knew, you had a waiting list of friends eager to join. However, at this stage, I’m guessing you have neither the time nor the desire, and you’re fully within your rights to expect the canceler to find his own understudy.
If he’s unable to come up with another person at this late date, he must be prepared to pay the full share amount. Under no circumstances should his work crisis become your monetary one.
We’re invited annually to spend a weekend in the Catskills with friends who own a ski house. They’re always so generous, but refuse our offers to take them out to dinner during our stay. Any thoughts on how we can repay them for their hospitality? — Trina K., Sunset Park, Brooklyn
Start with a great hostess gift . . . ideally something for the house. (After many shared weekends together, you should know their taste by now.) Bring food and spirits, too — some to be consumed during your visit, some to be left for their enjoyment at a later date. When you get back home, send them an invite for a home-cooked meal at your place. And last but not least, don’t forget the thank-you note.
Next column: Newspaper nabbers and other neighbor nuisances. Got a question? E-mail me at
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estingthemarketnyc@gmail.com or Tweet me @MisterManners.