Worried about your expanding waistline amid all the holiday cheer? Fear not! Through the miracles of science, artificial sweeteners and unicorns, it’s now possible to enjoy your favorite alcoholic drinks and get buzzed enough to make your office holiday party fun, all while living healthy and guilt-free!
Just pick up a bottle of Skinnygirl Chardonnay or Voli Light vodka for your next soiree. Or order a cocktail made with TY KU Soju, which claims to have “1/2 the calories and twice the taste of vodka.”
Hallelujah! And pass me the spit bucket.
Since Bethenny Frankel launched Skinnygirl Cocktails in 2009 to great success — two years ago, she sold the brand to Beam Global Spirits & Wine for an undisclosed amount, rumored to be as high as $120 million — our liquor store shelves have become increasingly plagued by products touting their calorie counts and “guilt-free” nature.
Skinnygirl Cocktails now has 20 products in its lineup, from wines and vodka to the pre-mixed, ready-to-serve margarita that started it all. And the company’s growth — by 2011, sales skyrocketed, increasing by 388 percent and it ranked as the fastest-growing booze brand in the country — has inspired countless calorie-conscious-cocktail imitators. “She very much validated the space,” says Ross Graham, founder of Miami Cocktail Co., which launched the “first carb-free, sugar-free bottled cocktail” earlier this year.
“Retailers are open to it,” says Graham. “Consumers are open to it.”
Well, I, for one, am not. Put a cork in it!
It’s not that I don’t share the dream of millions of living in a magical universe where boozing is a perfectly healthy activity that does not contribute to weight gain.
My main issue is that many of these products are BS.
“It’s a gimmick!” shouts a clerk at Warehouse Wines & Spirits after shooing me over to their Skinnygirl stash, which I’d asked about sheepishly in the name of research.
“Less calories equals less alcohol.”
Skinnygirl wines are only 10 percent alcohol by volume, not quite the 12 to 15 percent standard. Skinnygirl vodkas are only 30 percent alcohol, compared to the standard 40 percent. It’s the same with Voli Light Vodka, a growing line that counts Fergie and Pitbull among its owners/promoters. Meanwhile, Ty Ku Soju might have half the calories of vodka, but it also has half as much alcohol.
And then there’s the taste of these products, which varies from gag-inducing to pleasant enough with a lot of ice. The most offensive, and puzzling, is Skinnygirl’s recent foray into California wine varietals and Italian Prosecco, launched this past September.
I can understand the Skinnygirl Margarita or Miami Cocktail Company’s Splenda-sweetened drink. In mixed cocktails, it’s simple enough to cut calories in the mixers, subbing in artificial sweeteners or agave — though I prefer spirits that have enough flavor on their own, naturally low-cal mixers like good old-fashioned club soda, flavor-intensive squirts of fresh citrus or a few drops of bitters.
That was actually Bethenny’s original recipe for the Skinnygirl Margarita, way back in 2009 when she was the saddest, singlest, sassiest of the “Real Housewives of New York” and worked as a natural foods chef. The make-it-yourself recipe simply involves a couple ounces of good tequila, half a lime and a splash of triple sec. It’s not a bad drink, but just how is wine made to have fewer calories?
Skinnygirl brand director Megan Frank is vague on details, but says that “it’s achieved through careful selection of the blends; we harvest the grape a little bit earlier.”
Whatever they’re doing, it’s not working. Skinnygirl California Chardonnay 2012 assaults the tongue with an aggressive one-two punch. It first strikes with a mouth-puckering dryness, then makes a quick U-turn and hits with a cloying sweetness that must be forced down like cough syrup.
But hey, it’s just 100 calories per 5-ounce serving, a whopping 20 or 30 calories less than your typical glass of white wine. Have another!
The amazing complexities and subtle notes of Skinnygirl’s 2012 Chardonnay aside, it’s the branding that really leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Skinnygirl, the most popular of the low-cal booze brands, is the most irksome, pushing its products at adult women with the sort of cheery, female pseudo-empowerment more suited to selling tweens on maxi pads.
The back label of the wine bottles features a message from Frankel, who has continued to serve as an adviser and face of the brand after cashing in.
“Each wine has its own personality, but you’re looking for something that matches you — sophisticated and sassy!” writes Frankel. She goes on to enthuse that her wines are “flirty and fun” and “pair well with your favorite food and friends.”
Of course, one can only assume that a sophisticated woman wouldn’t need to have wine explained as though she were a child, that she might know a thing or two about vintages and varietals, and that she might choose a better glass of wine, those extra 20 or 30 calories be damned.
It seems that smart consumers are increasingly making the latter choice. In late October, Beam reported that Skinnygirl sales were down 29 percent.
“Low-calorie [alcohol offerings] didn’t perform in 2013,” says Edward Hsyeh, a US research analyst with Euromonitor, a market research firm. “People are looking more into quality over quantity.”
I’ll drink to that.
Sussing out the sips:
We tried these diet drinks to see how they stacked up.
