THE rich and famous, it turns out, are just as banal as you and we.
They just name their children more bizarrely. And have more famous neighbors’ names to drop when they can’t think of anything else to say.
At least that seems to be the message of “Movie Stars,” which stars Harry Hamlin (playing action superstar Reese Hardin) and Jennifer Grant (playing serious actress Jacey Wyatt) as the attractive heads of what is basically a “Full House” in Malibu.
Reese and Jacey’s beachside compound houses a minimogul son (Apache, played by Zack Hopkins) and a wannabe actress daughter (Moonglow, played by Rachel David), Reese’s mother (the little-utilized Francine, played by Anne Haney) and his brother (Todd, played by Mark Benninghofen).
Enter, without being cued, Reese’s 16-year-old daughter Lori (Marnette Patterson) by a previous marriage, who has decided to bring down the curtain on her life in Ohio and move in with Dad.
Cue the chaos, which is more “Step by Step” than “Brady Bunch.”
Patterson, best known for having been ogled by a drooling stepbrother in “Something So Right,” is cast as a handful.
Make that plural. Patterson wears only the tightest of tops, which she seems philosophically opposed to buttoning, so that we will never fail to notice her strengths as an actress.
She’ll snark at her half brother and he’ll respond with putdowns dripping with show-biz disdain.
Even Moonglow, the most likeable of the kids, begins to sound like an artificially sweetened Dorothy Parker when she starts spitting out jokes about agents.
Apache, who’s got a Bruce Willis haircut and the bottom-lining soul of Michael J. Fox in “Family Ties,” complains that his name “sucks.”
“My spirit guide said I should name you after a powerful Indian tribe,” explains Reese.
“Just be glad he didn’t listen to Tom Cruise, or you’d be L. Ron Hardin,” cracks Todd, who’s Juilliard-trained but reduced working as his brother’s ineffectual personal assistant and playing poker with the brothers of other stars.
The circle includes John Travolta’s brother Joey, Sylvester Stallone’s brother Frank and Patrick Swayze’s brother, Don.
There’s actually more potential for fun at these gatherings, if creator-writer Wayne Lemon could get past the obvious jokes.
Todd also offers comic possibilities and in the second episode (airing at 9 p.m. Monday) shows that he has the talent to make lemonade out of lemon lines.
As for the ostensible stars, Grant, the daughter of Cary Grant and Dyan Cannon, will be better known for her wardobe and striking resemblance to Mom than for her role.
Hamlin can do comedy, but “Movie Stars” doesn’t give him any comedy to do.