PREQUEL: In this new series, set before the classic movie “Psycho,” Norman (Freddie Highmore ) has a lot of reasons to blame his mother (Vera Farmiga) for his unfortunate attachment to her. (
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Can somebody call Albert Einstein back from the time/space continuum to explain “Bates Motel” to us?
In A&E’s prequel to “Psycho,” the young Norman Bates (Freddie Highmore ) and his hot smother-mother, Norma (Vera Farmiga), do in fact move to that spooky house on the hill and open that freakish motel.
Mother dresses like Janet Leigh circa 1960, the motel is 1950s, the neon sign is so retro its type hasn’t been seen since the Nixon administration. And yet— and yet — the year the show is set in is 2013.
“Bates Motel” takes place half a century after the original. Or as one physicist said to the other: “It’s 10 p.m., do you know what time it is?”
Why the producers had to cheap-out and try to hitch their star to Hitchcock’s brilliant tale is obvious: Everyone wants to make the next scary show. But in the vast wasteland of Hollywood, “original” is about as rare as legs on fish.
In order to sell a pilot, they concocted a way to resurrect a dead brand by dressing it up — sort of like Norman as Mama Bates in the original.
That’s the shame of it because “Bates Motel” could have stood on its own.
Farmiga is great as the semi-trampy, nearly incestuous mother who treats her 17-year old, oppressed son as a . . . well, love object is not too strong a word.
Anyway, in Episode 1, after the death of Norman’s father, Norma buys the motel in a sleepy coastal town in Northern California and moves herself and her son into the creepy old mansion next door.
But Norma has made the move without informing her older son, troublemaker Dylan (Max Thieriot), who, it turns out, is the only sane one in the family.
Norma clearly has issues with Norman. She undresses in front of him and admonishes him for thinking it’s a weird move. In another scene, he watches her in her undies through a window.
For sure, Norma is never going to be that old lady in the window with a bun and orthopedic shoes.
Highmore and Farmiga are such good actors however, that you’re left wondering if you’re the creep for having those yuk! and yikes! reactions.
On the first day in his new high school, for reasons that make no sense whatsoever, Norman — introverted and emotionally wounded — is taken under the wing of the hottest girls. When they drop by, mom tells them in no uncertain terms to take a hike because Norman has chores to do.
But when he sneaks out, a nasty neighbor breaks in and sexually attacks mom and by the time Norman gets home all hell has broken loose and now they have a body to dispose of.
Into the mix comes Alex the cop (an excellent Nestor Carbonell); a good teen, Emma (Olivia Cooke), who has cystic fibrosis; and a hot teen, Bradley (Nicola Peltz).
Norma bars the girls from the Bates Motel, the creepy house and Norman’s life. After all, why should a nerd need a girl when he’s got his mom?
It ain’t Hitchcock, but it ain’t bad.
Too bad it ain’t new.