The ballroom of the Plaza Hotel had been transformed into a giant amethyst. Just that morning, it had been recarpeted in lavender; purple theatrical lighting glowed from the vaulted ceilings. Towering vases dripping with violet orchids, hydrangea, and roses bloomed on the crystal-covered tables. Two massive posters of a beautiful brunette child with blue-green eyes hung from the ceiling.
Suddenly, the girl herself appeared from behind purple lamé curtains. She was dressed in a cropped circus ringleader jacket — a duplicate of the one worn by Britney Spears on her “Circus” tour — a top hat, and fishnet stockings. A troupe of Cirque du Soleil performers surrounded her, and the whole entourage broke into a dance Spears herself would have struggled to pull off.
The crowd of close to 400 erupted into wild cheers. Her mother wiped away tears of joy. The guest of honor had made her Grand Entrance. The party could commence.
It’s supposed to be a bar (for boys) or bat (for girls) mitzvah — a rite of passage in the Jewish tradition in which a child becomes an adult in the eyes of the community, usually on his or her 13th birthday. But in certain circles of New York City and Long Island, these parties seem less like religious celebrations than coronations.
Ryan Sandler, whose Spears-themed blowout was in October, had the best night of her life. And she deserved every second — and dollar — of the reportedly six-figure event, said her mom.
“Your child works hard, she studies the Torah for a year,” said Liza Sandler, of Old Westbury, LI, “My kids have values, and they appreciate what we give them. I don’t care if people judge how I spend my money.”
Plus, she said, unapologetically, “It was a pretty amazing party. You didn’t know where to look, there was so much happening in the room. There were contortionists on the ceiling, performers walking on stilts — it was like going to a show.”
Ryan’s bat mitzvah is just one of thousands thrown in local ballrooms, country clubs, hotel lobbies, galleries, nightclubs, and grand estates each year as the Jewish children of New York come of age.
But some critics say these extravaganzas have gotten too extravagant, not only disconnected from the tradition they’re celebrating, but putting too much pressure on families to top each other — or even bankrupt themselves just getting the right gifts.
“It’s called ‘Keeping up with the Steins,’ ” said Rabbi Alan, er, Stein, the cantor of Temple Sinai in Massapequa, LI. “I think some of these families need to concentrate more on the ‘mitzvah’ and less on the ‘bar.’ ”
“Unfortunately, sometimes people get caught up in the party and don’t remember the importance of having a solid Jewish education to pass down to future generations, which is what the day is about.”
Cantor Sherwood Goffin, of Lincoln Square Synagogue in Manhattan, was more pointed.
“I think it’s a tremendous waste of resources, especially in today’s world,” he said.
“There’s so much poverty in the world and Jewish programming that could be supported.”
Sandler’s older daughter, Carly, had an even fancier party in 2008.
For Carly’s grand entrance, she descended from the ceiling of Cipriani Wall Street harnessed to a wire and dressed in a catsuit.
Then she was serenaded by Jon Bon Jovi for 45 minutes — to the point where she was rolling her eyes at her mother, wondering when the aging rock star would cede the stage back to her and her girlfriends.
“My husband did well that year and he was proud of himself, and he wanted to throw a huge party,” Liza explained.
The stunning blonde was married at the time to mega-wealthy hedge-funder Andrew Sandler. They’ve since split.
Liza wouldn’t disclose her budget for her older daughter’s birthday bash, but a source estimated that party ran into seven figures, easily.
But even those who don’t go to such lengths certainly don’t pinch pennies when it comes to their child’s coming-of-age ritual.
The children spend a year, if not more, studying Hebrew, learning prayers, and preparing to read from the Torah. And while the kid is bent over the books, his parents are bent over their checkbooks.
Event planners spend that same year planning the elaborate bashes, which each have to be different from the one the weekend before. Some children and their families will hit three or four such parties a weekend, depending on how many Jewish children they are friends with.
“Some of these kids have 100 friends,” said Lynn Silverman of Creative Event Planning in Manhattan. “I have no idea where they all come from.”
Families deliberately book their parties for earlier in the school year so they don’t have as much competition, sources said.
“Everyone wants to top the bar mitzvah they went to the previous week,” said another event planner. “It’s insane how competitive they are. Every single mom wants to be the mother that everyone is talking about.”
One family rented out the Museum of Natural History for the night, hosting the cocktail hour in the African Mammal room and the main party in the Hall of Ocean Life, beneath the life-size model of a blue whale, where rapper Soldier Boy performed.
Premier partly planners Pat James and Glenn Jacinto — who executed both Sandler girls’ events — wouldn’t reveal the budget, but said the family first had to make a sizable donation to the museum in order to close down the public space.
Another family rented out the Frank Gehry-designed IAC building on the West Side Highway for two days at $40,000 a day, and flew in a giant band from Israel to keep the bodies bumping and grinding on the dance floor. The budget? Close to $500,000, said an insider.
Mothers say these Vegas-like affairs are appropriate — and even commonplace — in their circles.
“It’s a fun night of dancing and happy and food and celebrating, and best friends being together,” said a woman who recently rented out the Skyline Gallery Studios on 36th Street for her son’s affair.
“It’s a unique time in his life, and we wanted to create a unique memory for him,” she said. “I would have been just as happy doing something smaller, but all of his best friends had parties this year, so it’s just something we do. If you’re around it all the time, you get used to it.”
And what they get used to are nights more produced than an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical.
Some, if not all, of the following are present to keep the children entertained: photo booths, casino tables, stilt walkers, fire-eaters, sword-swallowers, emcees, disc jockeys, bands, karaoke machines, break dancers, theatrical lighting and special effects.
One family even paid $30,000 to have Big Apple Circus performers do a high-wire and trapeze act, said Robert Kurlander, of DDM Entertainment.
Party-planner Eric Silvey said the pomp and expense is justified — and all the dressing doesn’t take away from the meaning of the day.
“For many people it’s the most important day of their lives,” he said. “I don’t want anyone to thinks it’s just a party and the religious aspect is thrown out the door.”
Plus, he said, his clients can afford it.
“My feeling is that what anyone wants to spend on their party is their own business. If your worth is $500 million and you want to throw a party worth $500,000, you should be able to.”
Rabbi Marcelo Bronstein, of Temple B’nai Jeshurun in Manhattan, said that while in general he didn’t approve of such lavish bar mitzvahs, he has heard compelling arguments for them.
A temple-goer said to him once: “I am the child of a Holocaust survivor, and I want to celebrate this day. For my parents, such a thing would be unthinkable, so I want to celebrate for them. I want to go a little over the top.”
“I could understand his reasoning,” conceded the rabbi.