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Pillow fight!

Kourtney Kardashian, with babydaddy Scott Disick, loves sleeping with little Marlon. (Ahmad Elatab/Splash News)

Most nights, there are four people in Erin Holder’s bed — and that’s the way she likes it.

In addition to her husband, she cozies up with her son Anderson, 2, and daughter Lilia, 8, nearly every night.

Holder, 38, who lives in Pleasant Valley, NY, and runs a horse farm, is a fan of co-sleeping — when several family members share the same bed. “Everyone really likes it,” she says. “The more secure and solid and cozy our home, the more comfortable they are out in the world.”

But one mom’s cozy is another mom’s crazy.

Co-sleeping used to be called the “family bed,” and it’s gone in and out of fashion over the generations. Some argue that sleeping nestled next to parents is the ultimate bonding experience, and that it makes life easier for mothers who are still nursing.

Usually parents happily switch their children to a crib after a few months — and definitely by two years. But some parents are taking the practice to an extreme — and are having trouble booting toddlers and even grade-schoolers out of their bedroom.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie built a custom-made bed so they could fit all six of their kids into it for their weekly “family sleep,” as they told Vanity Fair in 2007. “Mommy and Daddy are very tired the next day,” Angelina admitted. Reality star Kourtney Kardashian, mother of 11-month-old Mason, is also a fan — “I especially love how when you sleep with your baby, you breathe together on the same pattern,” she blogged over the summer on People.com.

Today, there’s no easier way to light up a parenting message board than with the word “co-sleeping” — the controversy is perhaps rivaled only by the breast-feeding debate. “Once kids hit a certain age, no one talks about it for fear of being judged,” says Redbook Editor-in-Chief Jill Herzig, who published an article about the subject last month. “We wanted to get parents airing their true feelings — pro, con and conflicted — so readers would feel less alone. No parent wants co-sleeping to go on forever!”

Few medical experts advise longterm co-sleeping, either. “If you wait till 8 or 9, [it] could take years,” warns Dr. Lawrence Shapiro, who wrote “It’s Time to Sleep in Your Own Bed.”

Shapiro knows parents who had kids sleeping in their bed at 11, 12 and even 13. He cites two reasons the practice has been on the rise in the past 10 years: First, “parents are having a harder time than ever setting limits,” and, secondly, the popularity of “attachment parenting” — a philosophy that encourages bonding with one’s children in the early stages of life.

“I have no problem with attachment parenting or co-sleeping,” he adds, “up until 18 months.”

But those in favor of the practice say it’s natural, nurturing and the best way to connect with your baby.

“When [my daughter] was 3, she didn’t want to stay in her bed,” says Holder. “In the middle of the night she’d come to my room, or my mother’s room, who lives with us. She’ll sleep with [her grandmother] sometimes, and a few nights a week she’ll sleep with me.”

She isn’t worried about stunting her daughter’s independence: “She was the first of all her friends to go to sleepaway camp, and she was perfectly fine,” says Holder, who expects Lilia to eventually sleep in her own bed every night — when she’s ready.

“I figure it will just happen naturally,” she says.

But co-sleeping is not always as cozy as it sounds. Feet mash into faces, and the tossing and turning can feel like one is sleeping in a washing machine. Then there’s the scary thought in the back of every parent’s mind: What if I roll onto the baby?

“I never let my husband sleep next to the baby,” says Holder. “I always have myself in the middle.”

Of course, this arrangement can interfere with the type of sexy-time behavior that leads to a baby in the first place.

“[My husband] sometimes gets annoyed by it,” she admits. “Sometimes it’s crowded or too hot, and he’ll occasionally get up and go sleep someplace else.”

Along with physical intimacy, good communication is also sacrificed, Shapiro says. “Some dads feel like they’re literally displaced,” he says. “Usually it’s mom who wants to have a child in the bed, and dad doesn’t.”

Single moms don’t have that part to worry about, but Christine Coppa, 29, a blogger for parenting.com, says the situation would be different if she were married or had a boyfriend.

“I have a friend that refuses to let her kids in her bed because it’s a special place for her and her husband, and I completely get that,” says Coppa, who’s also the author of “Rattled!” a memoir about being a young, unexpectedly single mother in NYC. Her son, JD, is now 3, and although she transitioned him to a toddler bed at 2½, they still cuddle up for the night occasionally.

“It’s comforting to read stories in my bed, and if he falls asleep there, I see no harm,” she says. “He’d sleep on my chest a lot when he was an infant and I knew he could hear my heart, just like he did when I was pregnant with him.” Since being introduced to his “big-boy bed” with its elephant-print sheets, however, JD seems content to stay there most nights.

For other moms, the idea of co-sleeping never crossed their minds.

“To me it seems like a real struggle — uncomfortable, cumbersome and you don’t get a lot of sleep,” says Marinka, a 42-year-old married West Village mother of two who hasn’t done it and didn’t want her real name published. “Even co-sleeping with my husband is a challenge!”

Some feisty infants with an independent streak may decide for themselves when they’re ready. Back in August, baby Georgiah began getting restless for a room of her own at just 4 months old. “She’d push away from us,” remembers her mother, 25-year-old Kirby Desmarais, who lives in Carroll Gardens. “She was like, ‘I need my own space!’ ”

Desmarais is a fan of attachment parenting and unapologetically calls cribs “evil.” So instead, she gave Georgiah a regular, full-size mattress placed on the floor that the baby gets all to herself. “It’s a Montessori thing,” she explains. “The whole idea is that you’re not caging them in.” Desmarais, who blogs about her parenting experiences, notes that her strongly held opinions are controversial in the mommysphere.

“A lot of people are like, ‘Oh, this isn’t right for our family, but it might be right for another family,’ ” she says. “No. There’s no gray area: There’s a natural way to birth, there’s a natural way to parent.”

Still, even she has her limits.

“Co-sleeping, I think it’s good, especially when you’re breast-feeding, but I don’t think it makes for the most restful night for the parents most of the time,” she says. “But you don’t sleep one way or the other after you become a parent!”