Arnold Schwarzenegger is now a made member of the Kennedy Crime Family.
How ironic — he makes his bones just as his wife, Maria Kennedy Shriver, is throwing him out of the house. Which raises a question — what kind of Kennedy woman is she, divorcing her husband just as he proves himself worthy of the Kennedy mantle, by fathering a child out of wedlock with a member of the household staff?
Kinda reminds you of Conan the Adulterer’s famous line in “Kindergarten Cop”: “Who is your daddy und vat does he do?”
Somewhere, Gloria Swanson must be smiling.
So this Schwarzenegger spalpeen was born more than 10 years ago, and Maria never had a clue? Arnold apparently took good care of his offspring, at least monetarily, but Maria didn’t catch on.
That’s showing her (female) Kennedy roots all right. Paging Rose Kennedy. Just look the other way, like Michael Kennedy with the babysitter. Or Jack with Fiddle and Faddle and Judith Campbell Exner. Or Bobby with Marilyn Monroe . . .
Obviously, Schwarzenegger had to overcome any number of handicaps to become a soldier in the Kennedy Crime Family. He’s an Austrian and, much more damning, he’s a Republican. OK, maybe a RINO — a Republican In Name Only — but still, Uncle Teddy could never get over the “R” after his name.
Some may argue that the Terminator has always been a Kennedy. Remember when he was first running for governor in 2003, and all these women who had worked with him on his various crappy movies stepped forward and said he’d groped them?
You know, kinda like cousin William Kennedy “Sluggo” Smith was accused of doing way back when during the Palm Beach rape trial. The LA Times tried desperately to take Arnold down, but the smears didn’t work, and he went on to serve two terms.
I wonder how Arnold was able to hide this, ahem, indiscretion from Maria. He was a Hollywood superstar and an astute investor — you could make the argument that he was the first “Kennedy” in three generations to actually make a serious buck.
Imagine trying to hide more than a decade of child-support payments from your wife. Impossible. Now that Schwarzenegger’s got some time on his hands, maybe he should be the one replacing Leon Panetta as boss of the CIA.
Poor Arnold. He can’t run for president because he was born in Austria. But there is an opening for a man of his stature, and as a made member of the Kennedy Crime Family, he’d be perfect for the job.
Does anyone have the phone number of the International Monetary Fund?
From The Boston Herald, where Howie Carr is a colum nist.