Chlamydia, gonorrhea and Jason Sudeikis are three reasons to stay well clear of “A Good Old Fashioned Orgy,” but they’re not the only ones.
Sudeikis’s nonstop smirking, preening, wearing of costumes and full-on comic desperation (at one point he reaches the level of a clown who works preschoolers’ birthday parties when he sticks a spoon on his nose) is wearying. All of this effort ruins his attempt to be the cool guy at the center of the chaos à la Bill Murray or Chevy Chase.
He plays a bored office worker who uses his old man’s Hamptons pad for self-consciously “wild” theme parties that would get shut down in about 10 minutes by the Suffolk County constabulary. When his dad decides to sell the house, he invites seven friends to join him for one last frolic (see title). “We’re getting old. The other day I got a foot cramp while I was masturbating” is a line all too typical of this movie’s lame nonstop dirty talk.
Even more irritating than Sudeikis is a sidekick — more like inflamed appendix — played by Tyler Labine. He’s a chubby, bearded counterfeit Jack Black type who never gets close to being funny as he flings would-be hip patter. The other two guys are generic nerds — so why would four hot women be interested in group sex with them?
The movie consists of an hour of everybody talking about the orgy, watching sex tapes, buying sex toys and making the usual dude-you’re-gay jokes that lead merely to a few seconds of nudity, as body parts keep winding up strategically blocked. Old-fashioned? Yup. For an equally sexy experience, consult a coffee-table book about Victorian bathing costumes.