This is it. The final straw. Humanity has bit the dust.
Just as Rebecca Black and her godforsaken single ‘Friday’ were starting to fade from memory, another airhead adolescent has launched a contender for the worst song of all time.
Alison Gold’s song ‘Chinese food’ is all about the teenager’s obsession with oriental cuisine, and literally nothing else. It’s heavily autotuned and its lyrics are on roughly the same intellectual level as ‘Play School.’
You might be too scared to watch the clip yourself, and we don’t blame you, so here’s the chorus:
“I love Chinese food. You know that it’s true. I love fried rice, I love noodles, I love chow mein, chow m-m-m-m-mein.”
Yes, that is the real chorus. Someone actually wrote it.
Each stanza is accompanied by subtitles, which cycle between a bunch of different languages. Well, every stanza except the ones in Chinese, which are incidentally the only ones requiring translation.
The first verse is another poetic masterpiece:
“I go clubbing. Then I’m hugging. Then I’m hungry. And I’m walking on the street and I’m getting getting getting getting grumpy, grumpy. I see chow by my right, I smell food in the air. It’s Chinese food, my favourite, so I’m getting getting getting getting hungry.”
As an aside, why the heck is a 14-year-old (at best) singing about going clubbing? That ain’t right.
Even less appropriately, later in the song, Alison forms a spontaneous friendship with a burly bloke in a panda costume. This man is actually Patrice Wilson, the CEO of Ark Music Factory, who has made a habit of producing stupid songs on purpose. Surprise surprise, Patrice was the guy behind Rebecca Black.
While ‘Friday’ was just downright stupid, ‘Chinese Food’ is full of vaguely inappropriate cliches like geishas, gongs and fortune cookies. Not to mention the grown man who is crashing a girlie sleepover while dressed up as a panda.
It’s hard to imagine music sinking any lower than this, but we said that after Rebecca Black shot to fame, so goodness knows what’s next.
This article originally appeared on News.com.au.