HONDO, rounding into playoff form, closed out the regular season with a 9-7 record that put his picking average above .400 (you just can’t keep a crafty veteran handicapper like Mr. Aitch down in the .300s). Additionally, his 2-1 Best Bet record enabled him to escape the basement, leaving it all to Blezow, who achieved the rare high-low in the Bettor’s Guide standings.
So it’s with no shortage of momentum Hondo, the two-time defending cumulative playoff champ (most points accumulated from spreads and over/unders), plunges into the Second Season.
Before doing so, however, he would like to pay tribute to Ms. Charleen, aka “Typing Bear.” The Native Canadian and former Post Sports Dept. secretary this season won her 26th straight Women’s Division Title. Nobody knows how she does it, but she is compiling a record that likely never will be broken, much like DiMaggio’s “56” and Rose’s “4,256.”
As for Mr. Aitch’s Wild-and-hazy picks:
Chiefs-Colts: Two weeks ago the Colts left Arrowhead with an easy 23-7 “W.” So what has changed since then? Nothing — the Chiefs rested their starters last week, and the Colts got a breather against the Jags. Both are 11-5, but Indy storms into the playoffs having won its last three, while KC has staggered to the finish line after starting 9-0. Don’t listen to Nancy Pelosi on this one: Embrace the Luck, not the suck. Colts 23-7.
By the way (or BTW, as the kids say): Kenyan rugby star Daniel Adongo is on the Colts playoff roster, so we know who Obama is backing in this one.
Saints-Eagles: Who dat say dem Saints can’t win on the road? Well, Hondo, for one. Brees is 0-3 in playoff games away from the Superdome. And even though the Eagles have the 32nd-ranked pass defense, the New Orleans QB definitely won’t be able to find his comfort zone in the chilly Linc. The Saints get cold-cocked again. Eagles 38-34.
BTW: According to a report in something called “Nature,” some scientists say global warming is happening faster than originally thought. However, Hondo’s sources in the scientific community say it won’t happen quickly enough to help Brees & Co. Saturday night.
Chargers-Bengals: The Chargers were life-and-death against the Chiefs’ JV and still needed help from the refs to earn their playoff stripes. The Bengwads haven’t won a playoff game since 1991 and Andy Dalton has been dreadful in his two losses, but they’re unbeatable at home, so the postseason monkey will be jumping off their backs at about 4:15 p.m. Sunday. Bengwads 27-16.
BTW: It’s a shame Chargers LB Manti Te’o never had the opportunity to play for Notre Dame’s legendary undefeated coach George O’Leary. Can you imagine the memorable moments they could have never had?
49ers-Packers: Hondo is making a Lambeau leap to the conclusion that Aaron Rodgers didn’t get all the rust off Sunday against the Bears. It will be evident when, instead of facing the Bears’ Swiss-cheese defense, the Cheeseheads encounter the Niners’ manly marauders. With the game-time wind chill expected to be at -5, SF is tundra-ready with Gore and Kaepernick primed to ground and pound the Pack out of the playoffs. Niners 24-14.
BTW: Michelle Obama and others congratulated Robin Roberts for vacating the closet this week. How come nobody ever gets congratulated for announcing their heterosexuality? For example, Rodgers this week publicly stated he’s a died-in-the-wool hetero and the Packer hasn’t received any props from FLOTUS or anyone else.
In other areas of interest to HondoNation:
According to former prostitute Rebecca Woodard, Eliot “john” Spitzer sweated profusely during their $1,500-an-hour rough-sex sessions. There’s some bad optics for you — a hairy Spitzer, clad only in his black socks, straining with teeth clenched to get it done as sweat drips out of his every pore. You have to admit she earned every penny of that $1,500.
A Wall Street Journal reporter found a dead frog in her “Nicoise” salad at the Pret A Manger on Sixth Ave. It’s small consolation, but the restaurant chain uses only “homemade natural foods” so at least it probably was a free-range frog.
Are you feeling froggy today? If so, jump on over to Pret on Sixth for one of its special amphibian salads. It’s important to eat your greens.
Two from BarkingMut of SoBe: Out and about Jason Collins wants to play for Kings, so they could have two gays in the lineup at once — he and Rudy … Michelle Snyder, who oversaw the creation of the disastrous Obamacare website is retiring. Her motto was: If it ain’t fixed, don’t fix it.
From the rich get richer dept.: Tony Parker of the Spurs reportedly hit the “quenelle” and didn’t even know it. In his defense, Parker said he’s not perfecta.
Rumor has it the reason Mayor de Blasio took the oath in B’klyn just after midnight on Jan. 1 out of the watchful eye of any media was because he didn’t want anyone to see that while raising his right hand his left hand was on Karl Marx’s “The Communist Manifesto.”
Bill Clinton, who “strongly” endorsed de Blasio’s progressive plan to do something about income inequality, said Wednesday: “We have to have a city of shared opportunities, shared prosperity …”. In that case, surely Bill would be happy to share some of his incredible prosperity with anyone less unfortunate who wants to stop by his 55 West 125th Street office.
Rev. Fred Lucas, chaplain of the Sanitation Department (for some unknown reason), made an impassioned plea during his City Hall invocation: “Let the plantation called New York City be the city of God.” Apparently, garbage time came early at the inauguration. Rev. Fred couldn’t stay long; he had to get back to Sanitation headquarters to lead the nightly prayer service. Although attendance has been down lately, they say it’s starting to pick up.
Say what you want about de Blasio, but he is making a wonderful gesture by opening Gracie Mansion to the public on Sunday. It will give the 99 percenters an opportunity to see how the 1 percenters live.