HALLE BERRY: in Marchesa
“I would take a lot of crap from a woman who looks like her.”
– Brian Niemietz, 38
“Who got to knock her up again, and how do we have him killed?”
– Reed Tucker, 35
“Girlfriend looks good, that’s
all I can say. Girlfriend always looks good. Damn, I wish
she really was my girlfriend.”
– Justin Rocket Silverman, 31
REESE WITHERSPOON: in Rodarte
“That dress really brings out her chin.”
– Brian
“What’s wrong with those dress straps? Mutant straps!”
– Justin
BIZARRO ROURKE ROCKS THE RED CARPET
STILLER A PHOENIX RISING FROM ASH
BRANGIE GUILTY OF SMUGGING FOR CAMERA
JENNIFER ANISTON: in Valentino
“The perfect blend of white silk, silvery glitter and really dark energy.”
– Brian
“Masterful use of
push-up bra: point to Aniston. Masterful use of uterus: point to Jolie.”
– Reed
JESSICA BIEL: in Prada
“Why, God, when you have a body like hers would you hide it in the sateen sheet set I bought at a street fair?”
– Reed
“Buddhist monk meets muumuu.”
– Justin
Beyoncé: in House of Dereon
“I wish more women would wear dresses with a handle right between the breasts. It would be so much easier to yank it down
during drunken hookups.”
– Justin
PENELOPE CRUZ:
in vintage Balmain
“She’s just determined to walk down any aisle in a wedding dress, isn’t she?”
– Brian
“Tom Cruise is rethinking his decision to kidnap, brainwash another girl.”
– Reed
“Boyish hair and matronly dress? Does not matter. I still wish to make sexytime with Penelope Cruz.”
– Justin