My girlfriend gets home from work on the early side, but has to be up and out by 8:30 a.m., while I tend to work late in a studio and don’t have to be at work until noon. This makes finding time to have sex really difficult. How do we make this work?
— Adam, 29, Brooklyn
Well, I’ve never understood people who schedule sex. (Really, can anything be less sexy?). But in this case, it’s clear you two need to keep tabs of when to do it so that both your body clocks and your raging hormones are equally satisfied.
I’m not suggesting you keep a calendar on your bedside table, marking off when to do it in the morning versus at night, but I believe scheduling time to hang out in general is just as important as being intimate. In fact, the two go hand-in-hand. Doing things that remind you why you love this person will spark certain emotions, which lead to foreplay, which then lead to sex. So really, in order to find time to have sex, you have to find time for what comes before.
Keeping that in mind, before the week starts, discuss your plans with each other. Not only will this allow you to find a day for you to hang out together, but it’ll give you an idea of the minid frame you’ll each be in on the other days/nights. This way, you’ll have a better idea of when going there is off-limits — or all-hands-on-deck.
Of course, things may come up and moods may change. But if the relationship is important, then spending time together needs to be mutually agreeable and beneficial. (And not just in an orgasmic way!)
Have a question? E-mail AshleyDupre@nypost.com and follow her on Twitter at @ashleydupre.
My boyfriend likes to rip and break things — from my underwear to throwing nearby objects — during sex. Is this normal?
— Jessie, 31, East Village
Well, Jessie, normal is a relative term. The main issue is determining whether his rough play makes you uncomfortable — or turns you on. If you enjoy it, or at least aren’t totally bothered by it or in harm’s way, then whether it’s “normal” or not doesn’t matter.
I know when I’m drinking, I like rough sex. But it can’t be like that all the time; we wouldn’t want people thinking my guy beats me! I just make sure he knows what I like — when and how I like it. It may be awkward, but the only way to know what each other enjoys (or doesn’t) is to talk about it.
Watching porn together is a subtle way to open the discussion. In fact, seek out a video in which they act rough, too. This way you can ‘stage’ your reaction and take it from there. Good luck!
I’m a doer, while my boyfriend is a couch potato. How do I convince him to be more active?
— Anna, 28, West Village
This all comes back to compatibility and what you’re looking for in a partner. Clearly, some characteristics and traits will outweigh others — but it’s up to you to decide what those are and which ones you need (compassion? trust? sense of humor?) versus which ones you’d just like (a six-pack? a trust fund? stock in Tiffany’s?)
A while ago, I dated this guy who didn’t take care of himself physically. I, on the other hand, am a workout fiend and love to eat healthy food. Eventually, I realized we just didn’t enjoy or care about the same things. At least not enough to continue dating.
I suggest you consider whether you’d be happy in 30 years if things stayed the same. Think about the things that attracted you to him in the first place. Do they still exist? How do they compare to his not going to a museum or walking the Highline with you?
Also, think about how often you ask him to do things with you and how often he rejects the invites. Of those things, which ones are most important?
At the end of the day, what you may enjoy he may not — and that’s OK. That’s why you date and get to know someone; to find out if you can spend the rest of your life with that person. But don’t let his being a couch potato prevent you from living and enjoying the life you want and hope to share with someone else.
Have a question? E-mail AshleyDupre@nypost.com and follow her on Twitter at @ashleydupre.