“And I say to you gentlemen that this college is a failure! The trouble is, we’re neglecting football for education!”
— Groucho Marx as Professor Wagstaff of Huxley College in the 1932 film Horse Feathers.
AT LEAST the Freeh Report on the Penn State/Jerry Sandusky scandal didn’t conclude with, “Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims.” That “Out Box” is stuffed.
Who knew that indulging a pedophile for so long could cause such a fuss? For crying out loud, the opener is less than two months away! Let’s look ahead, not behind us!
Whatever it takes — and whatever it took — to keep the football machine humming, the recruits recruited, the stadium — now with lots of luxury suites! — filled, the TV and radio networks writing checks and the Nike stuff being shipped.
Would it have been any different anywhere else? I have my doubts.
Penn State, after all, wasn’t one of these schools that typically recruited young, barely-literate criminals. It had standards, nothing too strict, but a breaking-and-entering plea could mean that you would have to accept a full scholarship at some other university — try Florida, Miami or the USC on either Coast.
And I have no doubt that if Penn State administrators were alerted to a pedophile chemistry professor or a serial rapist librarian — or a student double-parked behind the book store — the suspect would have been dealt with quickly and decisively, one way or the other.
But this Sandusky “thing” struck at the heart of the football
program. And Sandusky was close to and protected by The King, so …
ESPN youth exploitation is crying shame
Meanwhile, as it becomes more and more apparent — even those who refuse to look that our “amateur” sports scene grows more depraved, more hideously twisted by the week — leave it to ESPN, a network committed to attaching national rankings to children who play basketball and football, to step even harder on the gas.
Late next month, ESPN will team with Under Armour to bring two dozen high school players to Venice Beach, Calif., for the “The Under Armour Elite 24,” described as an opportunity for the nation’s “top high school boys’ basketball players to participate in game action and a dunking competition on ESPNU.”
Hey, if there’s one thing that causes a rush of blood to the head up at ESPN, it’s slam-dunk contests. And if there’s one thing that ESPN rewards in players of all ages, it’s a fancy slam-dunk — unless he blows one in crunch time, which is when ESPN will make national shame-shame at him.
You selfish fool! “But when I still was in high school, ESPN said I was ‘Elite.’ ESPN even showed my fancy slam-dunks on national TV! I finished second. They showed it three times!’”
The Elite 24, as will the 12-year-olds in the Little League World Series, provides ESPN much-needed summertime programming.
In ESPN’s own words, “The Elite boys’ basketball event is part of more than 40 hours of high school content airing across ESPN networks the weekend of Aug. 24-26. Programming will be highlighted with the Elite 24 and 13 ESPN High School Football Kickoff games.”
Yes, ESPN nationally ranks both high school players and high school teams. It ostensibly hires adults to study and rate the athletic abilities and recruitment value of minors, starting at roughly age 14.
A few years ago, after a LLWS pitcher was pulled because he was unable to throw strikes, ESPN cut to a close-up of the kid seated in the far corner of the dugout — crying. Good grief, what was the ESPN crew thinking to have found then called for such a cruel shot?
Yet, that night on “SportsCenter,” ESPN chose to show that clip of that kid crying — to again and further humiliate a humiliated 12-year-old on national TV.
Abuse of minors, sports used as the bait, doesn’t necessarily have to be criminal to be abusive. Now stay tuned for “The World Series of Poker.”
At what price? Mets’ All-Star tix for sale
Baseball In the Age of Bud: For raw nerve, you have got to admire the Mets. Team sales agents last week called this season’s ticket subscribers to dangle next year’s All-Star Game tickets as a come-on for renewing now — a $250 nonrefundable down payment seals the deal — for next season.
So how much will these marks be charged for All-Star Game tickets? TBA, is the reply. MLB will set the prices.
In other words: “Hurry, hurry, hurry! Buy now. Don’t get shut out!”
“How much?”
“We’ll tell ya later, after you send us your $250 commitment. Hurry, hurry, hurry!”
The high-pressure sales “deadline” to commit was set for July 10. But that claim was a bogus sales technique — false advertising as the deadline, likely because sales were poor, has been extended.
* As Friday’s Times reported, Norman Sas, inventor of the Tudor tabletop electronic football game, died late last month, at 87.
In 1963, I had one of those games. It kinda worked. Kinda. Nah, it never worked. Still, I spent many winter hours at it, forcing it to work, at least in my mind.
I made it the Giants vs. the Packers, applied the correct jersey numbers to the metal-based plastic players.
I ran the Giants out of a two-back formation, lined them up as Allie Sherman would.
It probably took 10 minutes to set up all 22 “players” after every “play.”
Then you would turn on the switch and the players would vibrate in all directions, some would just immediately topple over, but some actually would block straight ahead all the way to the end zone — even if they were on defense.
I used to “fix” games so that No. 16, Frank Gifford, would “catch” a pass in the flat then “run” for a touchdown.
But there was something that caused No. 16, once it reached the 10-yard line, to turn and “run” in the opposite direction.
Didn’t matter. I would set it all up again, this time a long pass, No. 14, Y.A. Tittle, to No. 85, Del Shofner, who would “catch” the felt football I inserted under his arm, then fall over and spin in a circle, like Curly in “The Three Stooges.”
Thanks, Mr. Sas. It sure beat homework.
* I was away when Tiger Woods two Fridays ago, missed the cut. But I’m guessing that among those who finished the second round tied for 86th, TV listed Woods first.