Like some hybrid beast out of Greek mythology, this young-adult sequel has the body of a “Harry Potter,” the head of a “Twilight,” the feet of a “Hunger Games” and the tail, oddly, of a “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”
Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman) knows from Greek myths, because he is the son of Poseidon, god of the sea. He and his friends are “half-bloods,” a somewhat jarring moniker for having one immortal and one human parent.
The teens attend a magical training facility that isn’t Hogwarts at all (its lyrical name: “Camp Half-Blood”). Said camp is located in the piney, misty forests of . . . not Forks, Wash., but British Columbia. Very different look.
Also drawing from the Potter playbook, Percy has a doofy male best friend, Grover (Brandon T. Jackson), and brainy female best friend, Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario), and is informed by his teacher (Anthony Stewart Head, sporting a horse’s hindquarters and possibly feeling that way about taking this part) that he’s tasked with a grave quest.
It’ll be Percy’s second, because in the first film (2010’s “The Lightning Thief”) he saved Mount Olympus. That was just “beginner’s luck,” says Clarisse (Leven Rambin), a bitchy and competitive fellow camper whose braided hair and hunting attire evoke a certain Katniss Everdeen-ness.
This time around, Percy must get his hands on the mythical Golden Fleece to save the camp. He must get to it before Luke (Jake Abel), a disgruntled former friend, grabs it for the purpose of reanimating Kronos, Zeus’ abusive dad, who long ago was broken into tiny pieces and magicked into an ark.
Percy and Co. are joined by newcomer Tyson (Douglas Smith), another son of Poseidon’s who happens to be a Cyclops — helpful, as the fleece is guarded by the original one-eyed dude, Polyphemus.
Some questing ensues, interspersed with a couple of amusing asides. That bafflingly fast barista at the coffeeshop? He’s secretly got eight hands: they just look like two to our Muggle — sorry, mortal — eyes. And Nathan Fillion gets in a fun five minutes as Hermes, Luke’s apologetic father, who as the messenger god is naturally running the immortals’ version of UPS. Stanley Tucci (who’s getting a lot of YA work these days) is a jaded Dionysus whose wine is forever being turned into water, thanks to a curse.
For the most part, though, director Thor Freudenthal (“Diary of a Wimpy Kid”) gives us a tiresome schlep from one 3-D, CG set piece to the next, interspersed with the most cardboard of dialogue — which must have tasted especially bad to Lerman, so heart-wrenchingly good in last year’s “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.”
The final insult is watching Luke tie up our heroes to poles in a dusty field while he unwisely prepares to open the ark, which has magic swirling around it.
Most tween Percy fans won’t recognize this as a blatant rip-off of “Raiders,” but I couldn’t help wishing for a little face-melting at this point. You know, the wrath of God — or Spielberg.