Perhaps the most noteworthy play of the week was followed by the week’s most noteworthy comment.
Friday in Fenway, Robinson Cano, against an infield shift, shoved a bunt down the abandoned third-base line. Then, jolting the senses by running all the way, Cano reached second — a bunt double!
On Ch. 9, Al Leiter said, “It’s about time!”
Leiter didn’t clarify. About time Cano did something to exploit that shift? About time he ran hard on a ground ball? Both? But neither Ken Singleton nor Michael Kay — and Kay never runs out of questions for Leiter — asked.
Leiter’s run-for-your-life candor toward a Yankee was spoken a day after Ron Darling’s reference to Met Frank Francisco as “a fool” for fast-balling Jayson Werth in the back on a 3-0 pitch.
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, it was a standard nonsense-stuffed week.
You could tell right away:
Monday. That’s when ESPN’s now go-to-guy for everything, Stephen A. Smith, appeared on ESPNews to give his platitudes-enriched take on the emerging on-track NASCAR scandal. That Smith could add nothing to the matter didn’t matter. To be seen and/or heard was what mattered.
On Fox, Saturday, a fourth-quarter Cal touchdown to bring it to 45-27, Ohio State, was followed by Gus Johnson’s reliance on neo-hip football foolish-speak: “The key for Cal, now: Can they get off the field, now, Charles?” (“Get off the field” has become code for force a punt or turnover.)
Charles Davis: “You’ve got to get multiple stops, now.”
Thanks, fellas.
Throughout Notre Dame-Purdue, ABC/ESPN’s “Bottom Line,” in bold, distracting print, repeatedly reported, “You are watching college football on ABC. Dancing With The Stars. Keyshawn Johnson competes. Live 2-hour premiere, Monday.”
From ABC/ESPN’s studio, Jesse Palmer reported “Today’s Primetime Performers.” Did it matter that three of those four performances — including West Virginia QB Ford Childress’s 359 passing yards, three for TDs, in a blowout against Georgia State — came in just-pay-us games scheduled to be home wins?
Nah. That would lend context, thus ruin the story.
On NBC, Sergio Garcia was paired with Tiger Woods, who have golf and mutual disregard in common. As Garcia was laying up to a par 5, a self-entitled audience participant hollered, “Go Tiger!” Garcia appeared to hit it fat, then glared toward the gallery.
We couldn’t miss it. So why was NBC stuck? “I wonder what was said,” said Johnny Miller. The truck didn’t know? In 2013 why are the commentators the last — if ever — to know?
Friday, Red Sox up, 8-4, in the eighth, Kay, fond of “breaking games down” to non-existent absolutes, decided to pinpoint a play the inning before. Playing third instead of short, Eduardo Nunez couldn’t handle a ground shot to his left.
It was no easy play for Nunez and perhaps not for Brooks Robinson. But who knows? It was scored a hit. Boston soon would score four.
But Kay tried to force an all-in examination of it with a tortured, fantasy filled preface as to whether “Let’s say, a very good third baseman would make a play on that ball.” And then: “Is that a play that a great third baseman should make or an average third baseman should make?” And on and on.
Good third basemen don’t make bad plays and bad third basemen don’t make good plays? The game’s played on an assembly line? In a DNA lab? Stop!
Friday on ESPN, Air Force, at Boise State, had third-and-10 from its eight. “This,” said analyst Danny Kannell, “is a situation that Air Force does not like to be in — third and long.” Help, help me, Rhonda!
Change a matter of Bart
So CBS Sports Net’s new hire, ex-Jet Bart Scott, shows up on Ch. 2’s Jets-Pats local pregame, Thursday, and he’s terrific. To the point, relaxed, pleasant, engaging, eager to contribute, he spoke clear, applicable sense about the game to follow.
So why did Scott go way out of his way to be such a rude, crude, lewd dude to the media throughout his last two seasons with the Jets? Why was he eager to be known as an uncooperative, divisive and even threatening heel?
Colleges sell out in color wars
Weekend Gang Fashion Report: Nebraska, for decades identified and beloved for its red and white — “Go, Big Red!” — Saturday wore black jerseys for and on ABC/ESPN, against UCLA, another school identified for its famous colors that has added a black uniform.
In the 1990s, when Colorado was a scandal-prone football power, scandal-prone Nebraska was known to have lost recruits to CU because, as Crips associates or members, those recruits wouldn’t be — or would be — caught dead if they wore red, the color of the Bloods. CU still wears black.
Also, Saturday on ESPN, Kentucky — colors famously and forever blue and white — wore black jerseys against the Louisville Cardinals, which wore its traditional cardinal and white, although its football and basketball teams now often wear black.
On ABC/ESPN, Oregon, whose athletic department now proudly admits is owned by Nike — Nike merchandise makes blood rush to the heads of the most impressionable/vulnerable recruits — again abandoned its traditional green for black.
These schools do as they’re sold.
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Sunday’s Manning vs. Manning on CBS is what made the NFL on CBS, in 1970, merge with the AFL on NBC (John Hadl, Daryle Lamonica, Joe Namath, George Blanda, Len Dawson). Only difference: Back then there were far fewer commercials; they were can’t-move games, like being at the movies for a murder mystery.
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Rules are made to be token: Packers RB Eddie Lacy was nailed in the head, yesterday, by a helmet shot from ’Skins safety Brandon Meriweather. Lacy left with what Fox reported was a concussion. Fox’s Troy (10 concussions) Aikman said there are rules against leading with the helmet, then asked: So why no call?
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Reader Steve Arendash figures that Van Halen soon will re-release, “Jump!” — but in Mayockian. Title: “Go Ahead and Vertical!” Odd, every time Mike Mayock says a player “went vertical,” we feel the need to go horizontal.
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Soundalikes: Fox/MLBN’s Matt Vasgersian and “The Simpsons’” Principal Skinner (voiced by Harry Shearer).
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For what its worth, I’ve long avoided writing “Redskins,” replacing it with “Skins.” But not until last week did I know that, like Sports Illustrated and USA Today, I was supposed to issue a news release.
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J.R. Smith is to Tweeting what Germany’s WW I strategy was to the Zimmerman Note.