It’s a wonder-filled life!
I wonder if Victor Cruz stops to consider that his now commercialized “Salsa Dance” loses much of its freshness, flavor and good taste when he performs it while his team is losing.
I wonder if this is the most preposterous period in the history of sports television. And that makes me wonder if Putin would grant us asylum.
Monday night, throughout ESPN’s Eagles-Redskins, Jon Gruden seemed committed to having us all committed, or at least trigger anxiety attacks. His “Wall of Sound” has spread to the ceiling and floor. I wonder: If he knew what he was ceaselessly talking about, was he the only one?
Jason Blum, reader from Monmouth Junction, N.J., put it best: “Has Rosetta Stone added a Gruden football translation to its programs? I’m trying to use the Google translator for ’93 slap, bubble poop, go.’ ”
Yep, another episode of Gruden Unchained! Even when he made sense he made so much sense it became senseless.
With 3:42 left, Eagles up 33-20, Skins first down on their own 11: “I expect Philadelphia to play their zone coverage, try to keep everything in front of them. Tackle, eliminate everything after the catch. They must rush the passer.”
… and brush after every meal. What Gruden expected is that Philadelphia’s 11 defenders — more, if no one was counting — would play it perfectly. Good advice for any team in that position, but especially for one that last season finished 4-12.
In the first quarter of ESPN’s second game, two San Diego defenders collided, went down, stayed down. Neither Chris Berman nor Trent Dilfer mentioned a word of this, thus it was difficult to know who was injured. All I knew that one who was being treated on the field wore No. 38 (DB Marcus Gilchrist).
ESPN then left for commercials, presumably an injury timeout. And when it returned, neither Berman nor Dilfer said a word about the injuries, the injured, the reason for the timeout or anything else that pertained to what they previously missed or ignored!
But as Houston then drove to tie the score, we never even heard if either injured man had returned! I didn’t notice No. 38 back on the field and they didn’t note that he had left! Still, they call this “coverage.”
That same night Michael Kay presented — asserted — more lousy guesswork as knowledge. But Kay regularly shows up eager to dazzle an audience that tuned in to watch the game, not to sip from his pool of bogus facts.
With Orioles’ outfielder Michael Morse at bat, Kay and Ken Singleton spoke of how Morse broke in as a shortstop — at 6-foot-5, tall for a shortstop — although, they noted, Cal Ripken was 6-4.
And because Kay can’t help but attach dubious proclamations to matters, he added, “And really, Ripken paved the way for tall shortstops.”
But really, that’s nonsense. And really, there was a team, before Ripken’s, that for years played tall shortstops — the Yankees! Tony Kubek (1957-65) was 6-3; Gene Michael (1968-74) was 6-2.
The next night’s first inning ended with a close force out at second. The O’s Chris Davis appeared to disagree with the call. As YES was headed for commercials, a highly inconclusive tape appeared.
After acknowledging that it was close, Kay, over that replay, might’ve left it at that. Instead, he added, “but [ump] Jim Wolf got it right.” How Kay knew this … well, he didn’t.
Everything has been afflicted by doubtful declarations of the absolute and the ultimate.
Monday, third set of the Novak Djokovic-Rafael Nadal U.S. Open final. On CBS, John McEnroe might’ve spoken the obvious — the match was filled with long exchanges — or let that stand as self-evident. Instead, he hit us with, “We’re watching defense that has never been exhibited at this level.”
This level? It’s the highest level, no? Has better defensive tennis been played at lesser levels?
Whatever, we were watching tennis never, ever before seen! It’s an absolute fact! Perhaps.
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CBS Radio, in next season moving the Yankees from WCBS-AM to WFAN AM/FM — thus evicting the Mets — is believed to have agreed to pay between $15 million-$18 million per year — close to what it paid for the Yankees to have been on WCBS.
At that price, it seems CBS can’t possibly do better than minimize its losses through ad revenue, thus Yankees radio likely will remain drowned in in-game commercials.
As for John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman, if CBS had no deal-killer issues with them being heard on WCBS, why would it demand either be replaced on FAN?
The Mets? WABC (owned by Cumulus, not Disney) and WOR (Clear Channel), are options, but at no more than FAN’s expiring deal — $6 million-$7 million per. ESPN-NY, loaded with date conflicts — Knicks, Rangers, national MLB and NBA, et al. — is a long shot, unless it makes a shared-station agreement.
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From the Land of Lost Tapes, we bring you Professor Francesa’s Sunday touts from atop Mount Know It All:
* Cleveland will destroy Mets’ pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka. Result: Mets win, 2-1. Mike Francesa’s ability to turn a hopeless ’dog into a prohibitive favorite remains a gift from beyond!
In David Wilson, to start against the Cowboys, the Giants have nothing to worry about; he’s better than good. Result: Wilson rushes seven times for 19 yards, twice fumbles to Dallas.
(Before Cowboys-Giants on the 10th anniversary of 9/11, Francesa authoritatively assured all that security would not be a concern. In the stands, at that game, a man threatened fans with a Taser gun.)
His expert NFL picks against the spread were Cincy, Indy, Washington. Result: All losers.
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CBS has announced that throughout Saturday’s Alabama-Texas A&M game it will devote a camera — a “Johnny Cam” — to track l’enfant terrible Johnny Manziel. CBS plans to pay close attention to a star QB? Radical!
Meanwhile there will be lots for CBS to politely ignore. Broncos LB Von Miller, the 2011’s draft’s second pick played for A&M. This week he was cited for a second, separate serious driving offense — both since he was suspended for the first six games of this season for failing a drug test.
In July, two A&M starting DBs — both still with the team — were arrested for assault. One, Deshazor Everett, made the goal-line interception that last year gave ’Bama its only loss. During this year’s opener, Everett was ejected for a flagrant foul.