If dating and relationships were a city, the Friend Zone would be the neighborhood everyone would want to avoid. It’s the vast wasteland where two people get along, and one person sees potential for something more — but the other sees nothing more than a buddy.
Contrary to popular belief, it’s a place you can move away from — and in their new book, “How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: Turn Your Friendship Into a Relationship,” Los Angeles-based bloggers and comediennes Jet and Star (a k a the Wing Girls) teach men and women exactly how to do so.
“A girl will open up to a guy the same way she opens up to her girlfriends, and guys can misinterpret that,” explains Star. “With a guy, he might put a girl into a buddy category simply because he’s not physically attracted to her.”
But first, it’s important to recognize that not all friend zones are created equal. “We found so many people think their situation is different,” says Jet. “So we wanted to eliminate all the ‘yeah, buts . . .’ that people say.” Read on to learn about three common friend zones — and how to get out of them.
The Zone: Your friend is already taken
Star calls this the most difficult territory. “There’s not just you and your friend zone,” she says. “There’s someone else — and someone is not going to be happy.”
How to get out of it: Be bold, be brave, and tell your friend how you really feel about him or her — but don’t badmouth the significant other. “Don’t insult them or compare the two of you, because you may not win,” the book advises. “Leave the current boyfriend or girlfriend out of the conversation.”
The Zone: You occasionally hook up
“One person is saying, ‘I can get [aroused] for you,’ ” says Jet. “But there’s something else that keeps them from getting into a relationship with you.”
How to get out of it: Ask your friend with benefits out on a real date. And set boundaries: Don’t drink too much, and don’t pull an all-nighter. At the end of the evening, kiss your friend good night — and that’s it.
The Zone: You are BFFs for life
You know what this is: a friendship spanning 10 years or longer — essentially, a full-fledged relationship without the sex.
How to get out of it: If you tell your pal how you feel, and they still keep you in the friend zone, it’s time to go through what the book calls “the Separation”: That means no communication through phone, e-mail or social media and, if necessary, making new friends so you don’t wind up hanging out with your friend-crush through mutual friends. “Your friend needs to realize they love spending time with you, and the only way they can do that is by missing you.”
Finally, Jet and Star recommend that while you shouldn’t assume a relationship will evolve — “Friendship isn’t a back door to get into a relationship” — you must be prepared to walk away if you don’t get what you want. As they write in the book: “Tell the friend they can’t have it halfway. It’s either they have everything, and you get what you want, or they don’t get any of it.”