Is it snitching if I tell my girlfriend that her (over 18) daughter may be having sex under her roof? Or should I just let her find out on her own?
— Mark
No. I don’t think it’s snitching. I’m not sure how long you’ve been in the picture, but the more present you are in her daughter’s life, the better. I don’t know where the biological father fits into this equation, but if he’s not around, you could be instrumental in teaching her self-respect. Not in an overbearing or controlling way, but more of a looking-out-for-her-well-being sort of way. This will show her that she can talk to you, and will give her the tools she needs when choosing men and having sex. It’ll also show that you respect your girlfriend and her house rules.
On the other hand, your sharing this information behind her back could backfire on your developing a meaningful relationship with her, so you could consider approaching her first, and giving her the option to handle the situation on her own, as an adult, by talking to her mother on her own. Because really, she’s over 18, and many kids over 18 are having sex these days.
I wonder, though, how you know for sure that she’s having sex in the house. Did you catch them? Find condom wrappers? This will make a difference in your approach with both her mother — or the daughter — whichever way you go.
At the end of the day, it’s really a question of whether it’s something her mother approves of her doing under her roof. So again, consider how long you’ve been dating her mother and the type of relationship you have — and want to have — with her daughter, before getting involved.
A guy I’m fond of doesn’t lift a finger to please me sexually, even after repeated attempts to help coach him through various options. He’s sweet in other ways, but I started boycotting sex several months ago because it’s just not enjoyable. Is there any hope for this relationship?
— Anonymous, 47, Midtown
What’s the point of sleeping with a man and carrying on a relationship with him if he doesn’t make you scream in the bedroom? How boring! I mean, what are you supposed to do, forgo your sexual pleasures because he’s lazy and unwilling to learn how to please his woman? Absolutely not!
Women have a harder time reaching an orgasm. Yes, men. I’m sorry to burst your male bubble, but “in and out” will not do the trick. You have to put in a little extra work. I hate to say this, but the fact that he doesn’t want to please you sexually makes me wonder if he really cares about you. When you love someone, you put your needs aside for theirs. That’s just how it works. And then your partner does the same for you.
Put it to him this way: It’s like he gets to go back to school, only class is having sex with you! What man wouldn’t love that? And if he doesn’t, I’m sure there are plenty of men who would line up to take your sex-ed course.
Ever since I was a kid I’ve fantasized about having a threesome with two women. My girlfriend, whom I love and have been dating for a year, knows about my fantasy, and has given me the go-ahead. She told me she’d join, but she’s done it before with her ex-husband, so it wouldn’t be new for her and therefore not as special to me. I always felt that two people should experience a fantasy together for the first time. I’m not really interested in having one without her, but I also feel like the whole thing is spoiled for us because she’s already done it. What should I do?
— Lou, 30, Brooklyn
First of all, I’d make sure to consider how important having a threesome is compared to your relationship with your girlfriend, because honestly, a threesome isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. If you have crazy, wild sex with your girlfriend, I’m almost positive that that would be more fun for you. But if this has been your fantasy since you were a kid, and it’s something that you really need to do, I’d either wait until you’re single again, or do it with your girlfriend. Get over the fact that it wouldn’t be her first time and just do it together! It could even be sexy — her guiding you through what to do with the other girl, or you telling her what to do to the other girl.
Just be forewarned: Bringing another person into the bedroom could be very hard on couples who don’t normally live the swinging lifestyle. The same is true if you did it without her, which I don’t think is a good idea either.