I recently hooked up with a girl, and the whole time she acted like we were in a porno — lots of screaming and free rein to do whatever I wanted. I liked it at the time, but I’m not sure if I should see her again. Does that kind of behavior mean she’s really confident sexually, or the opposite, and she’s just mimicking what she’s seen in movies?— Tyler, 24, Gramercy Park
Well, I always tell people to be open to trying and saying new things in the bedroom, but in this case it seems like a little much. I mean, it was the first time you hooked up! It’s gotta be hard not to think, “Is she like this with every guy? Is she serious?”
I’m not into the whole porn-star theatrics thing. What you see in a movie is nothing like the real thing, because performers are acting to give you what you want to see, not what really feels good or sounds good when you’re getting intimate with somebody. So many people take pointers from porn actors, but they’re getting tips from the wrong people!
So I’d give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was nervous or acted like that because she thought you’d be into it.
Down deep, she probably really wants to please you. When I was younger, I always tried to make the other person happy instead of myself. Then you get a little older and you wake up and say, “If I’m not getting an orgasm out of this relationship, what’s the point?”
If you really like this girl outside of the bedroom, I’d pretend that you didn’t really see her inner porn star. Hang out with her a few more times, and see if you two find a better bedroom groove.
If she continues to moan like a dying animal, say something! You can be the one to teach her how it should be done — or at least how you really like it.
And if she’s just squealing because she’s super-sensitive down there — or because you happen to ring her bell in exactly the right way, then it’s up to you to figure out whether you can handle a theatrical girl who likes to love out loud.
So don’t be afraid — talk to her. What’s the worst that can happen? She’ll get offended and never talk to you again? Who cares?! That’s no better than you never calling her again and always wondering if she was serious or not.
Let me know how it goes!
I broke up with a guy a couple of months ago. However, I am still close with all of his friends, and we often hang out as a large group. We usually just ignore each other in these situations to avoid drama. However, I have started dating someone new, and he isn’t thrilled about the fact that I am still seeing my ex occasionally. I don’t want to stop seeing my friends, but I don’t want my boyfriend to be mad at me. What should I do?— Sarah, 24, East Village
The key phrase in your situation is “his friends.” They are your ex-beau’s friends, not yours. You met them through him, so it’s time to move on.
It’s one thing if you two were married for years and you created a life together and then got divorced. Then they’d be friends of you both. But out of respect for your new guy and your ex’s future girlfriends, you need to spend your time with another crowd.
I understand that you developed relationships with a few people. I’m not saying that you can’t hang out with them independently from your ex. But when he’s in the group, what’s the point? It’s not only awkward for you and him — I can guarantee that it’s also weird for everybody else, especially with you two pointedly trying to ignore each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re wondering why you’re even there, but they’re too nice to say anything.
I’m taking sides with your current boyfriend. If you really care about him, it’s time to build your future together, not with your ex and his friends.
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