POSTAGE DUE: The Post’s Phil Mushnick wants to know why the Postal Service and federal government shoveled $42 million to Lance Armstrong even though it was common knowledge cycling was fraught with PED abuse. (
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“Mothers of River City, heed that warning before it’s too late! Watch for the telltale signs of corruption!” — Prof. Harold Hill, “The Music Man”
Amazing. In the evolving, betrayal-based, theatrics-scented lawsuits being filed against villainous Lance Armstrong — now including a suit filed by the federal government — the plaintiffs seem to be working off a copy of the Bud Selig Plan:
Play stupid — for years — to the obvious drug-propelled state of your sport, then, after the inevitable scandal arises, pretend you’re not appalled, but eager to stand between Uncle Sam and Mr. Clean at the vanguard of goodness.
On Friday, the Justice Department joined a lawsuit against Armstrong, claiming his ill-gotten Tour de France victories and cash rewards defrauded the government of an estimated $42 million in team sponsorships as provided by the U.S. Postal Service.
Wait a second! That Post Office deal began in 2001, at least 15 years after world-class cycling was known — here, there and everywhere — to be lousy with drugs and drug cheats.
If I knew it, and most everyone who bothered to know it knew it, how come our government didn’t know it before agreeing to spend $42 million of our money on it?
The legal questions that should be aggressively pursued by our government are:
1) Who signed off on this sponsorship deal? Who in the government unilaterally determined for taxpayers that $42 million be allocated to sponsorship of a professional cycling team?
2) How was the USPS, which has been bleeding money since Armstrong used training wheels, able to throw $42 million at a private endeavor that has very limited appeal in America, as opposed to Western Europe? Who signed these checks and on whose orders?
3) What was in it for us in the U.S.? What promotional, marketing upside was there in Armstrong’s drug-racing team wearing U.S. Post Office logos on their uniforms? Would there be a rush to buy U.S. stamps in Brussels, Barcelona and Bordeaux?
That’s where the scandal lies. We already know what we long suspected about Armstrong.
Ronald C. Machen Jr., a U.S. attorney working the case, said in a statement on Friday that Team Armstrong, “Took more than $30 million from the U.S. Postal Service based on their contractual promise to play fair and abide by the rules.”
Stop, you’re killing me! If the Feds had spent 30 minutes of research before agreeing to such a deal, they’d have known what it takes to compete “fairly” in the Tour de France, let alone win it, then win it again and again.
“In today’s economic climate,” Machen continued, “the U.S. Postal Service is simply not in a position to allow Lance Armstrong or any other defendants to walk away from the tens of millions of dollars they illegitimately procured.”
And if not for the help and generosity of the USPS — as provided by powerless, ignorant taxpayers — to succeed in an annual drug-saturated competition, Armstrong and company wouldn’t have been in a position to put us in that position.
So having made a deal with the devil the government now wants a bigger cut, i.e., Armstrong’s remaining assets.
Hey, as soon as Captain Renault is done being “Shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!” he can be deposed about the shock of learning that a guy on drugs won the Tour de France.
Shocked!
Golf ‘experts’ keep overshooting the green
If Only the world’s best golfers could be as consistent as the nonsense heard throughout NBC’s and Comcast partner Golf Channel’s coverage of the Match-Play Championship.
On Friday, Golf Channel’s Steve Sands asked match-winner Steve Stricker, “What’s your strategy going into tomorrow?” Stricker said, “Ya just gotta do your own thing … keep the ball in play.” Moments later, Sands asked the same to Graeme McDowell, who said much the same as Stricker.
Strategy? For crying out loud, it’s golf! And in match play there are only two “strategic” goals: 1) Don’t miss your tee-time. 2) Play better than the other guy.
Oh, and if you’re getting hammered, try belching in your opponent’s backswing.
Saturday on Golf Channel, Nick Faldo was asked to “handicap” the day’s coming matches — similar to being asked to pick a card, any card. Faldo said the Martin Kaymer–Hunter Mahan match “could go extra holes.”
Sure, it could. But after eight holes, Mahan was five-up, and he won by that score.
On NBC Saturday, say-anything Peter Jacobsen, after noting Matt Kuchar was two-up after four, said, “That’s good match-play strategy — get your opponent down, early.” Yes, yes it is; excellent plan.
And when Ian Poulter holed a long, crazy-breaking putt, Jacobsen marveled, “Did you see that look in his eyes!” Given that Poulter was wearing wraparound sunglasses, er, no.
* By now you’d think Mike Francesa would give me a heads-up on when he’ll be gone so we can both take off.
ESPN hits right note this time
Superb, better-idea feature from ESPN’s college “GameDay” Saturday on LSU’s 7-foot-3 sophomore project Andrew Del Piero, who was recruited from the LSU band. A tuba player, he was on a music scholarship.
* We agree with NBC’s Dan Hicks and Johnny Miller: Webb Simpson took much too long to line up a long putt on Saturday. But when Tiger Woods takes that long, it’s either ignored or admired as evidence of his patience and perfectionism.
* Two Saturdays ago, MSG-Plus lost the start of a Devils-Islanders game to a Houston-Tulsa basketball game that went three overtimes. This past Saturday, MSG nearly lost the start of Rangers-Canadiens when Tennessee-Texas A&M went four overtimes.
* Brian Leetch will be honored and Mark Messier will be in the house when Ice Hockey In Harlem holds its fundraiser on Wednesday night at the NASDAQ Building in Times Square. Details: 212-722-0044.
* Get it straight, Rangers fans: Just because Madison Square Gulag’s Jimmy Dolan charges a fortune for tickets doesn’t mean you’re entitled to know who’s hurt, how badly, what the injury is or when they might be available to return.
* Wow! The Yankees are offering discount parking — $25 instead of $35 — for those buying full-season tickets. Yep, only $2,025 to park. What a bargain!
* Despite obvious transparencies (see: Andrews, Erin; ESPN then Fox), some women sportscasters succeed solely on merit. Devils radio analyst Sherry Ross continues to show up for work alert, prepared, succinct and, best of all, helpful.
* The Knicks have signed career pain-in-the-arse Kenyon Martin, who, at 35, claims he’s ready to cleanse his reputation.