Music

The 5 worst celebrity Christmas albums

By
Social Links for Hardeep Phull
Published Dec. 20, 2013, 11:14 a.m. ET
From the cast of the 90's hit show "Ally McBeal" to TV atrocity Roseanne Barr, who has released the worst Christmas album?
From the cast of the 90's hit show "Ally McBeal" to TV atrocity Roseanne Barr, who has released the worst Christmas album?

The only thing worse than getting coal in your stocking is getting a CD of Christmas music sung by celebrities.

Almost every year, there is at least one star looking to cash in on the festive spirit by releasing an album of Christmas covers. This year, the cast of A&E’s “Duck Dynasty” have scored a surprise chart success with “Duck the Halls: A Robertson Family Christmas,” a collection of classics and original holiday songs by the happy hunting family. (No sign yet as to whether the anti-gay rant from clan patriarch Phil Robertson will affect those sales.)

There are plenty more holiday howlers that have seen the light of day in the past few years. Here are the five worst.

  1. 1. David Hasselhoff, “The Night Before Christmas”

    In 2004, the Hoff put his own special (read: horrendous) spin on several yuletide classics on this festive collection, spreading Christmas fear instead of cheer. On this version of “Deck the Halls,” the “Baywatch” star even gives us a 28-second opening blast of his voice a cappella, and 27 of those sloppy seconds are completely unnecessary.

  2. 2. Roseanne Barr, “Roseanne Barr Sings the Christmas Classics”

    Roseanne’s Christmas album featured such songs as “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” and “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” but it’s incredibly hard to find it anywhere for sale. Considering her brutal slaying of “The Star-Spangled Banner” at a baseball game in 1990, that’s probably for the best.

  3. 3. Ru Paul, “Ho Ho Ho”

    Yes, this did happen. But give her some credit, at least 1997’s “Ho Ho Ho” contained Paul singing a fair few festive originals, including this comedy dance number in which she sings about wanting breast implants, tummy tucks and even a nose job. Hope Santa also carries a selection of plastic surgeons in his sleigh because Ru is one demanding diva.

  4. 4. Regis Philbin, “The Regis Philbin Christmas Album”

    If you’ve lived as long as dear old Regis, you have to do what you can to stave off boredom. That’s the only explanation for why the 82-year-old TV personality decided it would be a good idea to not only record a cheesy album of Christmas covers, but to bring Donald Trump in on a duet of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Naturally, it comes with a cringe-worthy “You’re fired” gag at the end. If only someone had fired the person who commissioned this album before it was unleashed on the world.

  5. 5. Ally McBeal, “A Very Ally Christmas”

    Remember when “Ally McBeal” was a big deal? Didn’t think so. Well, it was for a while. And at one point, the show’s popularity was great enough to warrant a spinoff Christmas album in 2000. One of the treats contained within was lead actress Calista Flockhart singing “Santa Baby” as though she were a sick cat.