Wild thing, you make my heart sing. … How was that for back-to-backers on Saturday?
Some of us hadn’t seen such a double feature in decades, not since our folks dropped us off at the movies on winter weekend afternoons.
I figure when Michigan coach Brady Hoke kept his offense out to go for two, to beat Ohio State — no time left, down, 42-41 — every household with two or more watching made with a loud, stretched: “Ooooh!”
Wild thing! I think you move me!
And make it or not — and the storybook finish finished badly for Brady the Bold — Hoke had become the win-or-lose, damn-the-torpedoes star of this nationally televised thriller.
And it was healthy for our sports souls (except, perhaps those on Michigan’s field goal/PAT team), even if it means Michigan will be consigned to play in the Fil-a-Cup Instant Chipotle Three Cheese Chris Berman Beef Bullion Bowl, one of 78 you wouldn’t dare miss on ESPN-through-ESPN9.
Next, Alabama-Auburn, a game — and a season that turned — on a replay rule decision; a toss-up rooted in a subjective overview in search of an objective conclusion that added an 00:01 to a clock, a flake of maybe that granted Alabama a 56-yard field goal attempt … that Auburn returned for a touchdown.
Crazy go nuts! Two in a row!
And yet, because we are what we’ve become, the day — and add Georgia-Georgia Tech — also was terribly sad. Not one of these “huge games” was bigger than the “student-athletes” who are increasingly unable to allow any game or moment to exist, then pass, above their personal, chest-pounding sense of bad-ass.
Three players were ejected from OSU-Michigan after a brawl from which less forgiving officials — and a different application of a replay rule — would have tossed a dozen. Most in the midst of the incivility were more eager to spread the fire than douse it. Vanished are the peacemakers.
For cryin’ out loud, it looked like surveillance footage of a prison yard gang riot. College men!
As Alabama-Auburn began on CBS, Georgia-Georgia Tech on ABC was briefly delayed: Both schools’ student-athletes postured in midfield, chest-to-chest, gang-to-gang, threatening mass violence before kickoff.
Why? Because it’s a traditional rivalry? But between whom? Bloods and Crips?
Perhaps as significant as Auburn’s 100-yard return of Alabama’s field goal try with no time left, was what occurred with 2:41 left.
After that Alabama field goal try (that would’ve put it up 10) was blocked, the deflection was caught by Auburn DB Ryan Smith, who ran for a couple, then fell. Play over.
But 6-foot-6, 310-pound Cyrus Kouandijo couldn’t behave/contain. He threw himself on Smith, one of those hands-free free-falls designed to plant an opponent, to hurt him. Flag. Thus, before Auburn could begin its successful drive to tie, it was gifted 15; it began 65 yards out instead of 80.
It is what it is. But only because that’s what it has become, a spiritual and common sense compromise. Nothing can any longer be as good as it could be; it can only be as good as it gets.
Either way, or both ways you look at it, Saturday provided seven-plus consecutive hours of wild things. No need even to get to Canucks-Rangers, a shot to revisit that “Friday the 13th” look we kinda, sorta missed on John Tortorella’s mug.
Kidd’s Net the first to fake a spill
Not for nothing, but Jason Kidd isn’t even the first Nets’ coach to have tried that liquid-hits-floor gambit. Kevin Loughery forced a last-seconds timeout by tossing a cup of water on the court, 33 years ago.
But the only person who saw him do it that day was the only person who cared/knew so little about the game that she wasn’t watching the play down the other end — my date, soon to become my wife.
CBS’s Rich Gannon, one of the NFL great overachieving QBs, yet all he can tell us about Geno Smith he lifts from a stat sheet showing that the Jets do better when he doesn’t throw interceptions? Come on, RGI!
In on-site and studio college analyst Jesse Palmer, ESPN has another non-stop talker of genuine football gibberish. From ABC/ESPN’s studio, Saturday, Palmer, who previously stressed “gap integrity,” twice identified “eye discipline” as the key to games.
Anyone recall when the face value of a ticket was the same as its cost? The sweethearts running Saturday’s Duke-Florida St. ACC championship in Raleigh have priced tickets $70-$175 — plus a $15 per “processing fee” for online orders, $30 per for phone orders. Where can one buy unprocessed tickets?
All season we’ve received lookalike submissions, Brady Hoke and Chris Christie. OK, but from here Hoke looks more like Jeff Greene of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”
Hard to argue with MSG Network’s selection of Devil Steve Bernier’s as Saturday’s “Nissan Goal of the Game.” Devils beat Buffalo, 1-0.
As CBS Sports Net and CBSports.com pursue PED stories in sports, both regularly promote CBS Sports Net’s telecasts of “World’s Strongest Man” competitions — contests held off our shores, of course.
ESPN’s Patrick calls NCAA game in hyperbole!
Before Gus Johnson and Kevin Harlan, there was ESPN’s Mike Patrick, hyperbole machine. Seemed as if every sentence he spoke during Penn State-Wisconsin on Saturday ended in one or two exclamation points.
Good, grabbing talk from MSG, Saturday night, having Ken Dryden in its “Hockey Night Live” mix — and with time to kill, time well spent.
Here’s the deal: Any basketball announcer or analyst to declare that “it’s a one-possession game” or “two-possession game” with more than 1:55 left, will be sentenced to the Yoko Ono No. 9 audio torture.
Met fans: Did you remember to give thanks to Mike Francesa for discovering Matt Harvey?
The ridiculous as the norm: The student-athletes from Stanford, prior to Thanksgiving break, spent a few days here playing baskets for ESPN. Against Houston’s student-athletes, Cardinal players wore black uniforms that made their names and numbers — in dark red — impossible to read.
According to Fox’s Johnson on Saturday, Notre Dame couldn’t beat Stanford unless its defense “gets off the field.” Hey, defense! Get off the field!
With Oregon St. and Oregon in funked-up, day-glo uniforms, Friday, reader Pat Proietti notes the aerial shots resembled “someone shaking a bowl of candy.”
Two Jets’ PSL holders and two Giants’ PSL holders walk into a bar …