How would you fare in prison?
From watching the prison documentaries on MSNBC, I have learned that the answer depends on a series of crucial decisions like these:
* Should I join a gang?
According to MSNBC’s prison docs – grouped under the umbrella title “Lockup” and ranging in location from California to Kentucky to Alabama, among others – gang affiliation can be critical to your long-term survival.
That presents a problem for me. I doubt the Mexican gangs would have me (I don’t think they take non-Mexicans) and the skinheads are much too anti-Semitic.
Maybe the solution would be to start my own, although I haven’t found any instructions on how to do this in any of the “Lockup” episodes I’ve seen lately on MSNBC. (The series is seen primarily on Friday evenings, but repeats can be found in other evening time periods, particularly on weekends.)
* Should I get a tattoo?
This is a key question because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from MSNBC’s “Lockup” series, it’s this: In prison, nobody can have just one tattoo. A decision in favor of a single tattoo will inevitably lead to many more.
Something to consider: If you want to have any chance of finding gainful employment when you get out, it’s probably not a good idea to have a dozen swastikas inscribed permanently on your face, a style seen on a recent episode of “Lockup.”
* Revenge: Pro or con?
Let’s say you have a disagreement with some moody con (I get the feeling from watching “Lockup” that mood swings are common in prison).
And let’s say he attacks you with a homemade knife or “shank.”
According to “Lockup,” going to the authorities to complain about a cellblock bully could have far-reaching consequences for your physical health. Translation: Nobody likes a snitch.
It’s probably better to handle the situation yourself with your own homemade weapon. According to “Lockup,” these can be manufactured from almost anything especially since prisoners in at least some jails are issued disposable razors for shaving.
Memo to corrections officials: I realize good grooming is important, but does it really make sense to give razorblades to violent criminals with nothing better to do than to go around stabbing each other? Just asking.
Meanwhile, last Friday, “Lockup” started a new six-part series focusing on San Quentin State Prison, whose most famous resident is Charles Manson.
Part 2 airs this week.
LOCKUP: SAN QUENTIN – EXTENDED STAY
Friday, 11 p.m., MSNBC