“GILLIGAN’S Is land” had Thurston Howell III; Mets’ telecasts have Keith Hernandez, the one and only.
We warned you, even before Hernandez began as an SNY/Mets regular, that he’d be a load. That’s because his strengths and weaknesses are roughly the same. His arrogance, condescending manner, impatience, sarcasm, naughtiness, knowledge, and brutal candor would make him both cherished and scorned.
But he must lose, or at least curtail, one habit, the one where he makes it seem that he considers his gig (calling games, traveling to and from them, and anything else that comes with the job) drudgery, as if such backbreaking work is beneath him.
If he’s only half-kidding, that leaves half-serious.
Wednesday, late in the Mets-Reds game, Hernandez went on a patrician trip that would have left divas feeling neglected and Louis Vuitton holding the bag. When Gary Cohen said that after the game the Mets have one scheduled road trip left, Hernandez made it sound as if it were his prison release date. “That’s outstanding!” he said.
Just before that, Hernandez complained he “couldn’t get anything to eat” in Cincinnati on Labor Day because, “The Morton’s steakhouse was closed.” How terribly sad.
But kinda funny, too. How many public figures, on a televised baseball game no less, would say such a thing? For those scoring at home, dinner for two at a Morton’s, if you’re a moderate eater and drinker, will run you about $200.
Also, after Cohen said boothmate Ron Darling would be appearing at an SNY promotion in New York the next day, Hernandez said there was no way he’d spend an off day doing any such thing.
Nope, Hernandez later said, he’d be landing at 7:40 at LaGuardia, where, “I’ve got the car waiting; it’s already ordered.” The next day, he continued, would begin with him and his wife breakfasting “at the Java Nation in Sag Harbor, then we’ll come back and just laze around the pool.”
Geez, Keith, why not just throw the cabana boy a few bucks and have him laze around the pool for you?
Cohen gave Hernandez’s itinerary a moment’s thought, then said, “Can I tell you something? Our lives couldn’t be any more different.”
Again, Hernandez sounded too serious to be completely kidding. Regardless, that get-me-out-of-here stuff was better left to Phil Rizzuto, who made it a charming (and active) element of his on-air persona. And he didn’t even pretend he didn’t want to be there until he was on the job for 20 years.
On the other hand, had Hernandez’s butler only phoned ahead to let Morton’s know he’d be in town . . .
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That this U.S. Open has been dedicated to the memory of Althea Gibson on the 50th anniversary of her victory in what was then known as the U.S. Nationals, takes MSG Network’s John (Johnny Hoops) Andariese back.
In 1960, Andariese, just graduated from Fordham and awaiting military assignment, needed a job for a few weeks. So he joined a barnstorming troupe that “believe it or not, opened with two Jewish comedians, then a tennis exhibition between Althea and Karol Fageros and then a basketball game between the New York Skyscrapers – we were the foils – and a team similar to the Globetrotters.”
(Fageros, in the late 1950s, was known as the “Golden Girl of Tennis” for her daring tennis outfits, which included gold-colored under shorts.)
The troupe, Andariese recalls, was performing in Ottumwa, Iowa, when Gibson, just for kicks during a run-through, began to shoot free throws.
“She made 23 of 25. I counted,” he said. “She was a great tennis player, a great golfer, and also a superb basketball player.
“The other thing I remember was going to the movies in Ottumwa; we all went to see a John Wayne movie, ‘The Horse Soldiers.’ Althea Gibson was in it, she sat to my left, and she had a part in that movie. Incredible woman.”
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Leave it to ESPN. Just as the NFL and its teams are begging civility in both players and patrons, ESPN’s running a send-us-your-videos “Rowdy Friends” NFL promo.
Leave it to ESPN. The same week it attached its East Carolina-Virginia Tech telecast to the souls of the 32 people shot dead on Tech’s campus, ESPN proudly announced that 50 Cent, who raps lovingly about guns designed to “wet half the block,” will perform the open to ABC’s prime time college football telecasts.
Leave it to ESPN. It’s “Bottom Line” news crawl recently included word that Mark Cuban will be a contestant on ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars.” That reminds us: When the Monday night question is asked – “Are you ready for some football?” – the answer has become, “Yes; too bad it’s on ESPN.”
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Yankees radio has become a greater source of comedy than of live baseball. Sunday, Suzyn Waldman read a promo: If the fourth batter of this half-inning hits a grand slam, someone wins a fabulous prize. She read this right after Robinson Cano, the first batter, grounded out.