Entertainment

A REAL DUTCH TREAT

THERE are two major film festivals to choose from each January: Sundance and Rotterdam.

Cine File took in Sundance once, and never went back. Too hard to navigate, too many Miramax publicists and too few worthwhile films.

So each year he journeys to the Dutch port city of Rotterdam for what fest co-director Simon Field calls “one of the most adventurous and risk-taking of festivals.”

This year was no different, and with 600 movies – 200 of them features – to choose from, Cine File was in paradise.

The 12-day jamboree opened in grand style with “Zatoichi,” the story of a 19th-century blind swordsman, directed by and starring Japanese auteur Takeshi (Beat) Kitano.

“This past year we had ‘Kill Bill’ and ‘The Last Sumarai.’ But don’t be fooled by those American imitators. This [‘Zatoichi’] is the real thing,” Kitano told the opening-night audience.

In person, Kitano appeared shorter than he does on screen. But just like in the movies, the real Kitano rarely smiled and had little to say.

French provocateur Catherine Breillat showed up with “Anatomy of Hell,” her latest piece of misogynistic art-house porn.

A woman (Amira Casar) pays a gay guy (Rocco Siffredi) to join her in her cliff-top house for kinky sex, including the use of a garden tool as a sex toy.

Casar went into a rant at a press conference when Cine File asked if the sex was real, as it was in another Breillat film (“Romance”).

“To insist on what’s real and what’s not smacks of McCarthyism,” the actress huffed.

There were no complaints about “The Saddest Music in the World,” by maverick Canadian Guy Maddin.

Isabella Rossellini is a hoot as a legless beer baroness whose motto is, “If you’re sad and like beer, I’m your lady.”

“Last Life in the Universe,” by Thai director Pen-ek Ratanaruang, was a pleasure to watch, thanks in large part to Christopher Doyle’s stunning cinematography.

The story involves a suicidal young man in Bangkok and the sister of a woman killed by a car as she tries to stop him from plunging from a bridge.

Takashi Miike, the Japanese cult director, has a cameo as a mobster.

Doyle, the Aussie best known for his work with Wong Kar-wai, was also behind the camera for “Green Tea,” a stylish love story from director Zhang Yuan of China, featuring delicious actress Zhao Wei.

New Yorker Kimi Takesue traveled to Rotterdam with “Summer of the Serpent,” a charming short about a strange encounter at a swimming pool. Keep an eye on the talented Takesue.

The Brazilian chiller “Nina” proved an unexpected treat.

A young woman (Guta Stresser, in a brave performance) is driven to insanity – and possibly murder – by the landlady from hell.

Cine File is willing to bet that director Heitor Dhalia has seen Roman Polanski’s “Repulsion” more than once.

Another woman goes off the deep end in “Somnambuul,” a dark look at the hallucinatory world of a lighthouse keeper and his flipped-out daughter (Katariina Lauk-Tamm) by Estonian director Sulev Keedus.

Cine File was enthralled, even though the film’s so depressing they should hand out Prozac with each ticket.

Many of these films will be coming to New York, so stay alert.

V.A. Musetto is film editor of The Post. He can be e-mailed at vam@nypost.com