Hondo continued to struggle in the Bettor’s Guide compulsories in Week 8, going 4-9 to fall 26 games behind Brain Costello. “Whatever,” as Health and Human Secretary hack Kathleen Sebelius would say.
However, it wasn’t all bad news. Mr. Aitch swept with his three Best Bets to move into a four-way tie for sixth place — tops in the second division!
Saints over Jets: Ladies and gentlemen, the Jets have begun their descent. Please return your seats to the upright position and buckle your safety belt — the radar shows a great deal of turbulence ahead so it could be a rough landing.
Even though Rob Ryan, like brother Rex, had lap band surgery, it looks like he’s still on the old Rex-Mex diet — eat all the Mexican food you want and everything else, too.
Lady Cro, aka Mrs. Cromartie, went off on the Jets on Twitter during their loss to the Bengals, comparing them to a kids’ team. That’s probably because she and Antonio have been talking about putting together a Pop Warner team comprised of Pop Cromartie’s kids. They’d even have a sub.
Falcons over Panthers: Tiger Woods has refused to accept the apology of Brandel Chamblee, who wrote Woods was “a little cavalier with the rules” this year. An indignant Woods claims he is only a little cavalier with the rules of marriage, and then only with hostesses, pancake waitresses, porn stars and neighbors.
Cowboys over Vikings: Have to go with the ’Boys here. After all, it’s a BBFTIDIDG —bounce back from that incredible debacle in Detroit game.
Monte Kiffin’s Cowboy defense gave up 329 yards to Megatron Sunday, allowed the Lions to move 79 yards in five plays and fell for a fake-spike. It’s clearly time for 73-year-old Monte, who invented the defense known as the Tampa Two, to do what so many others have done: Retire to Tampa, too.
Rams over Titans: According to emailer Siciliano, aka the Bronx Bomber, when Chris “Slap ’Em Around” Brown checked into rehab this week because of anger issues, he was promptly given the Alec Baldwin Suite.
Chiefs over Bills: Speaking of Angry Alec, three weeks into “Up Late” and he had to resort to having fellow MSNBC host Chris “Thrill Up The Leg” Matthews on as a guest last Friday. It doesn’t get any worse than watching two ’Crats spend 30 minutes together in total agreement.
Chargers over Redskins: Roger Goodell, who when addressing the “Redskins” name issue earlier this season said, “If one person is offended, we have to listen,” didn’t do much listening at the NFL’s meeting Wednesday with the Oneida Indian Nation. That’s because he didn’t even show up, probably because he was preoccupied with his puzzling London obsession.
Raiders over Eagles: Forbes has named Vladimir Putin the most powerful leader in the world with Obama coming in second, probably due to the way Putin schooled the Prez on Syria, and because the President has professed to know nothing about the ObamaCare website debacle, the NSA and AP bugging scandals and the IRS scandal. At least Barack Oblivious can lay claim to being the happier man on the basis that ignorance, not power, is bliss.
Seahawks over Buccaneers: Only four weeks until Black Friday. In order to ease tensions over racial profiling, execs at Barneys and Macy’s say on that day they will offer all people of color a full day of frisk-free shopping on purchases of $300 or less. Anything more than that, be prepared to assume the position.
Browns over Ravens: Now that Kennedy cousin Michael “Six Iron” Skakel has been granted a retrial for the 1975 murder of Martha Moxley, the judge is weighing a motion to let him out on bond. It’s just so darn heartwarming to see another “Kennedy” getting a break from the justice system.
Sources say Skakel is looked at disapprovingly by the Kennedys, not so much because he may have murdered someone but because he still hasn’t beaten the rap.
Patriots over Steelers: Brady and Gisele reportedly have shelled out $14 million for a three-bedroom apartment at One Madison Park on E. 22nd. Sources close to the couple say one of the bedrooms will be used exclusively as a place where friends can gather to pray for Tommy.
Colts over Texans: The Colts have been known to struggle in Houston, but the Texans have opted to start Case Keenum at QB. Case closed.
Packers over Bears: According to University of Nebraska-Lincoln research, men focus more on women’s breasts than their faces. Next up the geniuses on the research team will try to determine whether it’s true that a bear s—s in the woods and if the Pope is Catholic.
The study didn’t report it, but women aren’t alone in facing that problem. For example, Ted Kennedy used to complain that people often wouldn’t look him in the eye because they were always mesmerized by his supersaggers.
BEST BETS: Chiefs, Raiders, Colts
THURSDAY NIGHT: Bengals